


Stardust, In You and In Me

by she_who_the_river_could_not_hold



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Drinking, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Mild Language, Minor Luna/Raven Reyes, Minor Octavia Blake/Lincoln, Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 32,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16413482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold/pseuds/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold
Summary: Clarke Griffin has always scoffed at the idea of soulmates. And it isn’t until college when she meets hers — grumpy, scruffy, and totally stubborn Bellamy Blake. However, luck is on her side since it turns out he’s not too interested in them either. The biggest problem is that she hadn’t even meant to tell him, but it’s too late for that now. So they decide to just be friends and not worry about their matching marks on their bodies that mark them as destined to be together.Clarke’s never tried to battle fate before, but she’s determined to pull this off. Now if only the universe can cooperate with her.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah my first AU, not canon-divergent fic for The 100! I've been loving soulmate AUs for a bit but was too nervous to write my own. But thanks to the awesome support on Tumblr and from my roommate, I finally sat down to write this one out. I'm so excited to keep diving into this story, I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> Title is from the song "Starlight" by Starset - which happens to be the same song from the [gif set](https://she-who-the-river-could-not-hold.tumblr.com/post/178399566039/were-coupled-born-from-the-universe-x) I made a bit ago. What can I say, I'm a sucker for this song for them!

“Dude. If she gets this one she’ll be on fire.”

 

“Oh fuck, she’ll absolutely murder us then.”

 

“Alright ladies, gentlemen, esteemed people,” Clarke Griffin interrupted the banter with a grin and a wave of her drink towards the crowd of students around the table. “Are you all prepared to be amazed?”

 

It was Saturday night at Arkadia University, and what a Saturday night it is. Late September brought with it the change of the leaves, cooler nights, bonfires, and _football_. The Arkadia Explorers were far from being any type of dominant force — in fact, they were arguably one of the worst teams in their conference. But that didn’t stop the student body from turning out in droves to support their small team. Often dubbed “delinquents” from any opposing team’s announcers, they were rowdy and full of school spirit. Especially today, when they had managed to pull off a huge upset against one of their rivals. 

 

Which lead to tonight’s party.

 

Some of the football seniors lived together in a massive, old house just off of campus — and nearly the entire campus had been invited to come. Students spilled out onto both lawns, the doors swung wide open to allow for easy coming and going. A keg had been dragged onto the back porch and music blasted through multiple speakers, safe from complaints thanks to the house being surrounded by other college students (or alumni who supported the rowdy celebrations in memory of their own time there).

 

While Clarke was comfortable putting down her fair share of beer, she had turned down the offer to get some tonight and instead had turned towards the concoction in the kitchen. It had taken some maneuvering, one death glare to a handsy senior, three over-the-top hugs to girls she had met during orientation a year ago, before she had eventually, successfully found what she was looking for. 

 

A large plastic, clear tub shoved back onto the counter, already sticky with splashes of the drink as drunk people filled up their cups. 

 

With a deep dive in, the red solo cup had emerged filled with a red, thick liquid. 

 

Just a single sip had shot nearly straight to her head, a classic trait of any Jasper Jordan concoction. It was sickeningly sweet and a quick sweep of her gaze had located the discarded jugs of the ingredients: cheap ass vodka, Hawaiian punch, and the classic orange drink, Sunny D. So in essence, she was drinking practically just sugar and alcohol.

 

_Excellent._

 

It hadn’t taken long for the buzz to kick in and after a quick shot with one of her roommates, Monroe, she then found herself at the beer pong table. 

 

Across from her were Monty Green and Jasper Jordan, two guys that she had met briefly her freshman year in her required science class. Neither were football players, but their expertise in alcohol and maneuvering the law made them staples of nearly every large party. Her arrival at the table had caused them to jokingly boo and bemoan their impending loss at the classic drinking game, and she couldn’t help but play it up. There wasn’t anything better than beating drunk guys at pong, a feat that wasn’t technically difficult but was all the more exciting the more drinks that were in you.

 

She hadn’t walked up with a partner though, so Jasper had reached out for the first person he could latch onto, pulling Octavia Blake into the fray.

 

Octavia and Clarke had lived on the same floor their first year at Arkadia, bonding one night when Clarke had stumbled upon a cramp-stricken Octavia on the floor of their hall bathroom. Intense period pains had kept the girl from joining her friends out a party, whereas Clarke hadn’t yet started her partying phase. They had then curled up in Clarke’s room on her bed, the lights off and a movie playing on her laptop. As the rom-com had blared, the girls had easily split a tub of ice cream between themselves. 

 

Clarke would be hesitant to declare them best friends, but the two of them were still fiercely loyal to each other regardless. 

 

Octavia was drumming up the attention around them and Clarke could feel the thrum of the speakers making her body vibrate. The alcohol in her system was keeping her warm and she thoughtfully dunked the small white pong ball into the cup in front of her. 

 

It was currently two to four, the girls leading as expected. If she made this next shot, she’d be on fire and would the get ping pong ball back to shoot again. She was known for being a clutch pong finisher as well, so the boys had every reason to be worried. 

 

“Bell! Come watch us win!”

 

Octavia’s shout broke Clarke’s concentration and she glanced up. 

 

Sure enough, a tall figure had shouldered their way into the front of the handful of students watching the spectacle. With floppy black curls and a smirk straight out of the novels Clarke had secretly read in high school, there was nothing remotely surprising about him having a girl under each arm.

 

There weren’t that many features in common between him and Octavia. They shared cheekbones, but otherwise diverged with her being much paler than the olive-toned, warmth of his skin. His eyes were darker too, staring intently at Clarke as he took in the situation. But there was no mistaking him. 

 

Bellamy Blake.

 

She’d never actually met him. Only stories from Octavia over the year, usually in passing. Her tone could vary wildly from admiringly, to furiously, to defensively, to exasperatedly. They seemed to have a rollercoaster of a relationship, one that Clarke assumed was somewhat similar to the one she had with her mother. Though from what she gathered from the snippets she had heard, the Blake siblings had a different layer of intensity to them.

 

She wasn’t sure what she had expected when she eventually got to meet him.

 

But a cocky attitude and two girls simpering over him seemed almost too on the nose.

 

She rolled her eyes and pulled her gaze away from his gaze, focusing back on the pong game at hand. There was no way she was going to let him distract her. Especially now that so many people had been drawn in thanks to Octavia.

 

What could she say? The girl loved an audience, and Clarke couldn’t help but thrive off of it as well.

 

Placing her drink carefully down on the stool next to the pong table, Clarke did her best to stabilize her balance as she took aim. Her tongue poked out as she concentrated (though she quickly pulled it back in with a flush as she noticed Bellamy still staring at her). Just a small wobble of her ankle but then she was standing still.

 

Her eyes narrowed, intensely focused now on the red solo cups in front of her. 

 

Her left elbow up, she placed her right hand underneath it. It was an odd technique; she wasn’t even sure how she developed it. But it gave her a sense of structure so she ignored the teasing it always got and stuck with it. Plus being nearly undefeated made it hard for people to be too much of assholes about it.

 

_Hand back, hand forward._

 

_Hand back, hand forward._

 

_Hand back, hand forward._

 

Practice movements out of the way, Clarke let the pong ball fly.

 

With a plop, it dropped into the cup.

 

Everyone erupted around her. Octavia shrieked and was jumping up and down, doing her best to not spill her precariously full cup of beer. Jasper groaned and tossed the ball back towards Clarke before handing the cup to Monty. He knocked it back with a grimace and tossed it aside onto the lumpy couch next to them.

 

Clarke realized her focus had shifted though, her eyes seeking someone else’s reaction out. 

 

But there was a space in the crowd where she could see Bellamy’s back disappearing into the crowd. He didn’t stand much taller than everyone else, but there was something about him that seemed to draw her gaze directly to him. Where she had rolled up the denim sleeves on her jacket, she could feel the hair on her arm stand up as he paused to talk to someone, giving her a chance to see his profile again.

 

Something nudged at her brain, trying to figure out why she was bothered by him leaving. 

 

Doing her best to brush it off, she grabbed her drink to chug a little bit more of it, nearly finishing it off. There were too many sensations around her and she was sure it was the alcohol that made her wish for a near-stranger to cheer her on, and then only to be sad that he wasn’t. 

 

As she set her drink down though, Clarke felt a pulsating pain in her wrist. 

 

Checking quickly that no one was watching her, she shifted the bands of bracelets around her wrist up. Pulsing in and out of opacity, almost like a wink, an illustrated star drifted back and forth across her skin.

 

Her soul mark.

 

She hadn’t seen it move since… well, ever. A mark that was meant to tell her that somewhere in this world, she had a soulmate waiting for her. It wasn’t something she had ever bothered to concern herself with. And why would she? She didn’t believe in them. And its dormant status her whole life had made it all the easier to ignore it. It had been a pale outline on the inside of her elbow.

 

Now it was a deep purple that contrasted heavily against her skin and actually moving. 

 

“Hey Clarke, you coming? You need to sink that final shot!” Octavia called over to her from the table, waving the pong ball at her.

 

Clarke nodded mutely, quickly pulling the bracelets back down over the mark. 

 

However, that didn’t stop the burning feeling where she knew the mark was when a pair of dark eyes flashed in her mind.

 

* * *

 

Clarke wasn’t sure how she had gone this entire semester so far without seeing Bellamy Blake. Because ever since that party, she couldn’t get away from him. And now it was only more proof about why she soul mark had come to life.

 

But it didn’t matter how much it would dance on her skin or pulsate trying to get her attention. It didn’t matter that some theoretical force had deemed them fate for each other.

 

She couldn’t fucking stand the guy.

 

He and his best friend, a guy named Miller, seemed to suddenly be at every party that she went to. And from there it only went down hill. 

 

It had started with her playing pong with Monty, only to be interrupted by a casual, “Is the princess back at it again with pong?”

 

For a first time talking with each other, needless to say it didn’t go well.

 

Clarke had missed her next shot and immediately rounded on Bellamy, the warmth of the alcohol coursing through her veins. She had stalked up to him, jabbing her finger into his chest and telling him to fuck off. The jackass had SMIRKED back at her, no doubt enjoying riling her up. 

 

The nickname stung. She couldn’t deny that.

 

She had figured Octavia had told him about her at some point. But she had assumed it would have been in passing. They didn’t hang out quite enough for them to be close enough to make her a big deal. And she already knew her family was better off than most _thank you very much_. She tried to always check her privilege and it wasn’t like she was as spoiled as most of the other kids she had grown up with. 

 

But yelling that at a party seemed like a bad idea. 

 

So the name stuck.

 

Then one time they had bumped into each other in a dining hall, causing both of their trays to go flying. In between scrambling to pick up their respective lunches, Clarke had made a snide comment that he must not be able to see where he’s going since his ego was so huge.

 

They’d eventually been pulled apart by friends and gone on their way. Poor Jasper had been roped into listening to Clarke rant for the rest of lunch, though he provided enough good imitations of Bellamy to get her to laugh again. 

 

She even dropped into the study hall section of the library one time to meet up with someone who was leaving there and _saw Bellamy_. He seemed to have been packing up at the time so she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she had ducked behind a pillar and nearly held her breath the entire time until she saw his retreating figure. If she had any patience for him she would have asked what he was doing there. She might not have been able to stand being around him, but she knew that there was no way he was that one needing help in classes. 

 

But that would involve having a conversation with him to ask what he helped with.

 

So she was just going to let herself be satisfied with the bare minimum.

 

The worst part was that the longer she went without seeing him, the more her soul mark burned when she did stumble upon him again. It would flare up, along with her temper. Though the aching pulse it gave off when they separated again didn’t feel any better.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, just put your arm — stop, Octavia — put your arm around my shoulder. Put your drink down. Yep. Just like that, now come on. Arm around me, I’m going to wrap mine around your waist now.” 

 

Escorting Octavia out of a frat house was not how Clarke had seen her Thursday night going.

 

She’d originally planned on just a casual night drinking in, easing into the end of the school week. 

 

Monroe had invited her friend Harper over and Clarke had FaceTimed Wells so that he could join in on their game of Cards Against Humanity. Clarke had definitely been losing. It turned out that what she thought was funny _wasn’t,_ and she’d suffered her through losses by doing the customary drink after each round. It hadn’t been much though, so she had been fortunately (supposedly) able to notice when she’d gotten a text from Octavia.

 

And then another one.

 

And then one more after that.

 

None of them were exactly coherent, which was a clue to the state she was in. And from what Clarke could decipher, Octavia had decided that her “boy toy,” as she dubbed him, (a senior named Atom) was boring and she couldn’t find Monty or Jasper to bring her home back to her dorm room.

 

Which had resulted in the piling up of texts that pleaded for Clarke to come get her.

 

Thank god it wasn’t too far of a walk. The late fall night was chilly, a breeze through the air and rustling the leaves that had managed to hang on. Clarke had shrugged on her old sweatshirt from when she had first started at Arkadia and she was pretty sure it wasn’t enough, even as soft as it was. But she was thankful for the buzz that added a bit of extra warmth, and knew without a doubt that the alcohol was keeping Octavia warm as well. Her standard going-out outfit, ripped skinny jeans with a skin tight black top and boots, certainly looked badass on her athletic body. But Clarke knew there was no way it was going to provide much warmth against November.

 

They were nearly back, somehow without incident, when Octavia began to fumble in her pocket for something. It threw both of balance and Clarke steadied them both as Octavia triumphantly found what she was looking for.

 

“Call Bell,” she mumbled, shoving her phone at Clarke. 

 

“I’m capable of taking care of you by myself,” Clarke tried her best to push it away.

 

“No. I want my brother too. Both of you.”

 

A stubborn Blake turned out to be a bigger force than she expected, so Clarke relinquished and took the phone from her. He was in her recent calls as “Big Brother,” which seemed so innocently childish that Clarke found her buzzed self giggling a bit at it.

 

“O, what do you want? I’m trying to work on—”

 

“Actually it’s me.”

 

The line went quiet for a second.

 

“Princess?”

 

“The one and only,” Clarke muttered more or less to herself, suddenly grouchy now that she was actually talking to him.

 

“Why do you have my sister’s phone? If you wanted a second one couldn’t you just use your family credit card instead of stealing one?”

 

“Fuck off Bellamy. Your sister is way too drunk and for some reason she wants to see you. Come help me before she throws up on my shoes,” she snapped back.

 

“I’m not that drunk,” came a slurred proclamation from the side of her.

 

Clarke could hear the sigh coming from the other end, indicating that he had definitely heard the false statement Octavia seemed to be insisting on.

 

“Okay. I’m coming.”

 

Clarke quickly instructed him to meet them outside their dorm building before hanging up. After struggling to put the phone back in Octavia’s pocket, she reset her grip on the girl and they finished crossing the campus.

  
Standing outside of the building to greet them, his arms crossed against his chest either of frustration or as protection from the cold, was Bellamy.

 

Unlike other times though, where he and Clarke immediately jumped into arguing, he was completely in older brother mode. He helped slide under Octavia’s other side, slinging her arm over his shoulder and lifting some of the weight off of Clarke. He was quietly teasing her, and even in her state, Octavia responded to some of them with equal banter. She did however roll her eyes when Bellamy began more direct questioning, drunkenly leaning her head on Clarke’s shoulder and loudly declaring that Bellamy was “the most ridiculous brother to ever exist.”

 

“He definitely is,” Clarke had agreed, a lack of bite in her words though as she grinned at him. 

 

It was different seeing him in this mode.

 

_It made her wrist tingle and she didn’t want to acknowledge it._

 

There wasn’t time to dwell on it though because just as Clarke was moving to unlock the door to Octavia’s room, the girl’s eyes widened and her cheeks puffed out. Shaking her head, she pushed off of Bellamy and grabbed the keys from Clarke. Swiftly unlocking it faster than she had been, Octavia plunged into the darkness of her room and straight for the bathroom. 

 

Bellamy and Clarke gave each other one quick glance before running in after, just barely remembering to shut the hall door.

 

Though an only child, Clarke had her fair share of helping girls get over this shit so she willingly dove in with Bellamy.

 

It wasn’t a pleasant sight, and Clarke had a brief thought that maybe it wouldn’t be the worst to keep scaling her drinking back next semester. Knowing her, she was going to keep living it up, but it might be worth getting more accurate about her limits. Or a least drinking more water before bed.

 

Octavia heaved again, her body shuddering under Bellamy’s arm. Clarke scrambled to grab her friend’s hair, pulling the unruly, long brown hair into a hand-held ponytail. 

 

“That’s great Octavia, just keep getting that shit out of you,” Clarke urged. 

 

She turned to Bellamy, expecting a follow up of encouragement. Instead, she found him staring distractedly at her wrist. She could practically see his brain spinning. It only took a small glance down to see what he was seeing. Clarke gulped.

 

Her soul mark pulsed against her skin, having become visible in her hurry to roll her sleeves up as when they first helped Octavia. 

 

Bellamy’s eyes finally dragged back to hers and he looked shell-shocked. 

 

Clarke furiously shook her head, her lips pursed together. He nodded jerkingly, turning to focus back on his sister. As he finally returned to trying to get her to calm, Clarke’s mind took the opportunity to panic as quietly as she could.

 

She’d originally had no intentions of ever telling Bellamy that she’d figured out they were soulmates. But it looked like that plan had been shot to hell now.

 

Resorting to rubbing circles on Octavia’s back, Clarke nervously watched Bellamy out of the corner of her eye. He outwardly seemed fine now for the most part. There was just a subtle clench of his jaw that meant he definitely hadn’t forgotten about it. Which meant they’d have to talk about it.

 

It continued to be pushed off though as Octavia’s throwing up subsided. Bellamy went to prep her bed while Clarke and her each gargled mouthwash (Clarke mainly to convince Octavia to do it). Then she’d helped pull a giant t-shirt over Octavia’s head and braided her hair back, before ushering her to bed. She’d climbed in, swatting away Bellamy’s hand and sunk deep into the pillows.

 

“I got you some water, drink it when you wake up.” Bellamy’s instructions were firm.

 

The hum that came from Octavia sounded vaguely like a confirmation, before it slipped into a steady rhythm of breathing. He tucked a stray hair behind her ear before pulling up the blankets just a bit higher. 

 

Unable to stop rubbing anxiously at her wrist, Clarke stood just behind him as he wrapped up. When it looked like it was going to be safe to leave her in her current state, Bellamy nodded and the two began to quietly work their way across her room. Clarke tried to keep her breathing calm as she made her way towards the door. It was only a few steps away and then she would be out of this awkward mess. She was close to practically lunging for the door when she felt a warm grip on her arm pull her to a halt. She stumbled around and nearly landed in Bellamy’s chest. He didn’t let go and she was pretty sure her skin and her mark were both on fire from the closeness.

 

It was absurd. All she knew of him was that he was a dick and that they couldn’t stand being around each other. There was no reason for her body to react this way.

 

“How long have you known?”

 

Bellamy’s voice was odd, even in its hushed state. Clarke shifted her weight as she weighed her possible response, stealing a look at the sleeping Octavia on the other side of the room. 

 

“I’m not sure I want to talk about it here,” she hissed, nodding towards his sister. “I don’t know how she’d respond to the idea.”

 

A glance over and then back, before Bellamy nodded in response. He dropped his grip on her as well.

 

“Tomorrow morning then, let’s meet at Grounders. Does 9:30 work? I have a class at 8:30, I can meet you afterwards.”

 

Clarke agreed on the time (god why did he have to be an early riser?) and the two silently left Octavia’s room, splitting up once they were out in the hall. As Bellamy made his way back outside, Clarke rubbed at her wrist anxiously. It had all been so formal. Like planning a meeting or a group project.

  
Not as if they were talking about being soulmates. 

 

* * *

 

“Cute outfit.” Bellamy’s voice floated over her shoulder and Clarke spun around, a blush creeping up on her cheeks.

 

Sue her, she didn’t like getting up early. So what if she had only thrown on a pair of black leggings and an oversized pullover that had been her dad’s? They already knew they shared soul marks, no reason to bother trying to impress him.

 

“Whatever, let’s get coffee so I can actually wake up.”

 

Grounders was the main coffeeshop on campus. It was filled with random knick-knacks and just the right amount of cozy, with enough tables to make it a good spot to relax or work in. Clarke rarely made it here in the morning, more of a 4pm type of iced coffee drinker. It was odd seeing different students in here than her normal crowd, but she felt like she suddenly got why so many people came here in the morning.

 

She deeply inhaled the smell of the coffee, feeling herself perk up as she did. Bellamy chuckled and walked past her to make his order, gently knocking into Clarke. It didn’t seem spiteful though, and as Clarke followed him, she felt suddenly as if she could see the Bellamy she saw last night. And this time, it almost felt like she was a part of the family.

 

They ordered and were waiting to grab their coffee, neither of them quite sure of what to say to each other. Luckily they were spared from it being too dragged out by the arrival of Bellamy’s regular coffee that he had ordered. The girl who brought it over, tall with curly brown hair, gave Bellamy a flirtatious smile when she placed it down and Clarke definitely didn’t miss the once-over that she gave him too.

 

She rolled her eyes once the girl had returned to the cash register. “Are you able to go anywhere without girls drooling all over you?”

 

Bellamy snorted and shot her a grin.

 

“Jealous?”

 

“I have no reason to be jealous,” Clarke huffed. “It’s just annoying that they can’t hold themselves together for a minute. I mean good lord, you’re just getting coffee. You’re not a piece of meat.”

 

He paused at that, giving her a curious expression before picking up his coffee. He didn’t respond though, instead, hoisting his book bag higher onto his shoulder before making his way towards an open table. Clarke patiently waited a minute more for her drink, grabbing the cup from the girl before following him.

 

She had barely dropped down into the chair before Bellamy said casually, “You know it’s not just me they’re staring at right?”

 

Clarke frowned and glanced around.

 

Sure enough, one of the other baristas was sneaking a glance at her from behind the register. When she realized she was caught, the redheaded girl blushed furiously and ducked her head. It made Clarke grin, but it also reminded her why she was here and who was she was sitting with. So that was enough of a buzzkill to stop her from going up and flirting with the girl.

 

But when she refocused on Bellamy, she was also reminded to why exactly she hadn’t wanted to have this conversation. Because how do you tell someone you’ve been hiding that you’re soulmates because you don’t want one? The look on his face though was enough to tell her that he was mildly enjoying her distress about the situation. He clearly wasn’t going to say anything first.

 

“You drink your coffee just black?” Clarke stumbled over her question as she tried to find a way to ease into this.

 

“Well when you were busy wearing Uggs and trying every fancy Starbucks drink in high school, I was working two jobs and going to class to take care of my mom and sister. So straight black was good enough for me.”

 

Bellamy’s snarky response made Clarke narrow her eyes. 

 

Clearly he was still an asshole, so maybe this wouldn’t be too hard.

 

“Whatever Bellamy. Since you’re incapable of having a normal conversation—”

 

“Me not have a normal conversation? Have you ever heard yourself? You’re so clearly an only child, incapable of letting anyone else—”

 

“Don’t even try with that. You’re the cockiest asshole I’ve ever met and no mark on my body is going to change that.”

 

Clarke’s outburst quickly stalled their argument and the two fell silent for a moment.

 

“Really?” Bellamy seemed surprised but not hurt, which helped ease a worry she hadn’t realized she even had.

 

“That was pretty much why I wanted us to talk,” she explained. “I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. Which to be fair, you weren’t even supposed to know about it.” 

 

“I’m not too interested in soulmates anyway,” he said with a casual shrug.

 

“Can you not say it so loudly?” Clarke whispered, her head whipping around to see if any of the other students had noticed what she and Bellamy were talking about.

 

Soulmates weren’t necessarily rare, but they were just uncommon enough that Clarke felt uncomfortable at the idea that people could overhear them talking about it. Especially since they were talking about how they weren’t going to operate as soulmates. She knew plenty of people wish they had soul marks; she didn’t want it to be weird. 

 

Bellamy arched an eyebrow.

 

“What word?”

 

“You know what word,” Clarke replied tersely.

 

The small smirk on his face widened at that, and he shifted forward so that he was leaning across the table. Clarke couldn’t help her gaze flitting to his lips. She hadn’t remembered the small scar there and suddenly it was all she could focus on.

 

“Oh? Did you mean soul—”

 

Clarke scrambled to cover his mouth with her hand, cutting him off. 

 

His breath puffed warmly against the palm of her hand and the intensity of his eyes made her highly aware of their skin connecting. She felt a tickle on her wrist. It was then that she realized her sweatshirt’s sleeve had pulled back, revealing the pulsating mark on her wrist. 

 

Apparently Bellamy had too, since when she looked back at him, his eyes had locked onto her wrist and he had completely stilled. Trying to pull herself together, Clarke slowly retracted her hand and settled back into her seat.

 

“It’s different in the light,” was all Bellamy offered, his eyes still lingering on her wrist. 

 

“Whatever. What is it you were saying about not being interested in them?”

 

He took a slow sip from his coffee, his eyes focused on her as if contemplating how much to open up to her. Clarke didn’t entirely blame him — they weren’t even friends. Just two people randomly thrust together. It didn’t really stop the child in her though from wanting to stomp her foot and remind him _that they’re soulmates and he should just go ahead and trust her anyway seeing as how the universe did_. 

 

This was going to be a weird balance to figure out.

 

“I just don’t have time for one,” he finally said, his tone more serious than she’s sure she’s heard it before.

 

“Time for one?”

 

“It’s exactly what it sounds like Princess,” Bellamy said, his words now laced with exasperation. “I can’t just start romancing some girl who’s supposed to be my soulmate. I have Octavia to look after, classes to focus on, money to earn. Soulmate or not, I’m just not particularly interested in one. I’ve got my life figured out and it’s fine how it is.”

 

Clarke bit her lip.

 

Those seemed like perfectly legitimate reasons.

 

“So spill, why aren’t you jumping for joy at the idea of being stuck with me?” He nudged her leg with his foot. 

 

“Easy, they’re an archaic concept that I don’t believe in,” she replied quickly.

 

“You’re a skeptic?”

 

“Well, I mean… obviously they exist. And people have reported successful with relationships with them. I just don't believe in allowing something placed on my skin by some type of ‘fate’ to dictate who I spend my life with.”

 

“Something tells me you don’t love astrology either,” Bellamy said with a laugh. 

 

Clarke snorted and shook her head before continuing.

 

“We’re pretty good proof of it too. There’s no reason for us to be together, and we shouldn’t settle just because we match or whatever,” she explained. 

 

“Fair enough,” he said, leaning back in his chair as he observed her closely.

 

It made her squirm in her seat. 

 

“Let me guess,” he finally said. “Your parents weren’t soulmates and now you’ve decided to just say fuck it to them.” 

 

Clarke stiffened. 

 

“Actually, my parents were soulmates. But that didn’t stop my mom from—” she cut herself off abruptly, clamming up now as she realized what she had been about to tell him. Bellamy had stopped mid-sip at her sentence, clearly not expecting it start going in the direction it did.

 

“It didn’t stop things from not working out,” Clarke finished cooly. 

 

Another silence settled over them. Clarke wiggled further back into her seat, taking a large gulp of her drink. The caramel and whip cream had melted into it and it was comforting to stare at it instead up at Bellamy. She knew it was hypocritical to want him to tell her his story and then for her to balk at the idea of sharing her own. But he was such an ass about her background that it wasn’t worth talking about it with him.

 

To his credit though, he didn’t push the issue. Instead he let the silence linger and Clarke was appreciative. She wasn’t used to silence, at least not since Wells had moved. This one didn’t quite have the same level of comfort as the ones with her best friend, but there was something different about these that made them just as relaxing. 

 

“I study philosophy and political science, with a minor in religious history.” Bellamy’s voice breaking it a few minutes later.

 

Clarke looked over at him in surprise. He gave a half jerk with his shoulders. 

 

“I figured I could share something about myself,” he said with a crooked grin.

 

She smiled as well, straightening back up. “Communication design with an art minor. It’s to make it look like I have my act together more than I do.” 

 

From there they finally fell into what had to be their first normal conversation. No insults, no talk about soul marks. It turned out even though he was a junior in college, Bellamy was actually a couple years older than her. He told her about transferring from the community college by where he had grown up in North Carolina, having been able to finally get enough credits to help him jump back to where he needed to be grade wise. And that much to Octavia’s chagrin, he had followed her to Arkadia (though it had always been his first choice he added, noting that Octavia only knew about it because he had looked here first). 

 

Clarke didn’t push him on the grittier details.

 

She held back some information from him, stuff she hadn’t bothered to tell anyone here at Arkadia. She told him all about Wells and how he had been the one to convince her to pursue art and design, versus science. She briefly mentioned what it was like growing up with her mom as mayor, but kept it short. Told the story of how she met Jasper and Monty at orientation her freshman year and the shenanigans they got her into. 

 

Eventually her phone beeped and Clarke looked down in surprise at it. 

 

She was pretty sure it was the longest she had gone without looking at it, a feat that she struggled with constantly. 

 

“Oh shit, I’d forgotten I promised Harper I’d help her with a presentation for class,” she explained, her apologetic tone sincere.

 

Bellamy held up his hands. “No offense taken, I probably should go work on my paper anyway.”

 

They were about to separate once more outside of Grounders when Clarke stopped them both. 

 

“We should set up like, guidelines of some sort. I know I think the marks are silly, but I want this to work and not be weird.” A deep breath. “Alright. I think the main rule should be we don’t tell anyone.”

 

“Fine by me,” Bellamy hoisted his book bag back onto his shoulder. “Especially my sister. She’s obsessed with that soulmate shit.”

 

“Deal.” Clarke grinned at that. Definitely not surprising. “I also don’t want my friends to know about it, too much explaining to do. And it’ll be weird.”

 

“Since we’re not together, we’re free to date or hook up with whoever we want,” Bellamy added, giving Clarke a suggestive wink to which she groaned at.

 

“I’m stopping you from having your precious threesomes if that’s what you’re implying Blake,” she retorted, grabbing her coffee as they walked out of the coffeeshop. 

 

“Unless you want to join in of course.”

 

Bellamy barely managed to dodge the swat to the arm, laughing as he caught Clarke’s eye. She tried to keep the frown on her face as she stared him down. She didn’t enjoy how easily he was making her laugh.

 

She sighed then.

 

“And I guess… we try to be friends?”

 

“Friends,” repeated Bellamy with mock seriousness. 

 

Clarke held her hand out expectantly, causing him to let out a bark of laughter before reaching out to shake her hand. 

 

They had then that awkward moment of trying to say good bye in that way you only can when you don’t really know someone. The back and forth movement, the jumbled up explanation of that you have to get somewhere. Clarke had to bite back the giggles she was experiencing. In the course of less than twenty-four hours, she’d gone from seeing Bellamy as this asshole partier, to a protective older brother, to a legitimately awkward kind of guy. 

 

Maybe being friends with him wouldn’t be too hard.

 

She was working on how to explain to Wells that she’d decided to be friends with the guy she had previously declared her arch nemesis, when a thought occurred to her.

 

Her idea brought her to a halt. It seemed silly, especially after just spending the entire morning discussing why they shouldn’t be together because of a mark. But she was feeling selfish and plus when else would she get the opportunity?

 

“Wait!”

 

Bellamy slowly spun on his heel as Clarke jogged back to catch up with him.

 

“You’ve seen mine, show me yours,” she said breathlessly. 

 

“You know how inappropriate that sounds right?” Bellamy sounded amused though at her proposition.

 

She simply gave him a pointed look, at which he sighed over dramatically, before shifting his book bag to his other shoulder. Clarke watched as he pulled the color of his shirt over, revealing more skin and then a collarbone and then…

 

Clarke couldn’t help the small gasp that came out when she saw it.

 

Okay, maybe she didn’t have to believe in soulmates. That somehow she and Bellamy were destined to be together because stars had aligned and selected them to be together. 

 

But seeing the matching mark on him effected her more than she had thought it would.

 

Her fingers hesitantly reached up, pausing first as if waiting for permission. He nodded so subtly it was almost impossible to tell. She gently touched his skin, tracing the matching star that sat atop his collarbone. 

 

It matched hers perfectly. She’d heard of some being more similar in theme than in style. But theirs were a perfect match. Both deep purple in color, almost royal. The stars and the trails that followed them were both illustrated, reminding Clarke of the woodcut style tattoos she had seen before. Similarly to hers too, Bellamy’s drifted as well. 

 

Clarke frowned, lifting her other wrist up and twisting it so that she could see them next to each other.

 

Bellamy was silent as she did this, watching her intently. She could feel how close they were together and if she wasn’t distracted by the soul marks she would have been distracted by their lack of personal space between each other.

 

It wasn’t that the marks were drifting — they were rotating. Circling in tandem with each other. 

 

“Binary stars,” she murmured under her breath.

 

Bellamy’s chest expands under her touch as he inhales. “Rotating stars that never touch.”

 

His voice rumbled in her ear and it seemed to wake Clarke up. She shook her head to clear it and stepped back, almost reluctantly dropping her hand to her side. Reciting their earlier conversation in her head, she reminded herself that she wasn’t interested in soulmates. That Bellamy was too much of a dick to bother with.

 

“Seems pretty spot on to me,” she forced the grin on and he echoed it back.

 

“Definitely could be worse.” 

 

She watched as he once again turned to leave again. Her wrist stung again as she watched him go and she rubbed at it with her thumb.

 

Just before he pushed open the door though, Bellamy cocked his head back and gave a half wave in her direction.

 

“See you around Clarke,” he called out.

 

She had waved back before it hit her that she had never heard him call her by her name before. The mark seemed soothed by it, but she tried not to think about what that meant too much.

 

It was just a showing of respect, that they were going to try to be friends now.

 

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

_Except there was something about the way he said her name that seemed different than she’d ever heard it before._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My tumblr is linked in my bio so feel free to come flail about Bellarke with me, I'm keeping my blog as positive as possible during this hiatus! I'm also struggling through the Stranger Things hiatus as well, so it's a lot of work but I love keeping fandom fun for everyone no matter what. As with any fic, all kudos and comments make my heart warm! Can't wait to get the second chapter out!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, the reaction to my first chapter blew me away! Thank you so much to all of the love, it really made my heart warm and eased my nerves about writing this fic. I apologize this one is a bit shorter, a section I thought was going to work ended up not making sense in the chapter's time frame and I didn't want to force any extra length onto it just for the sake of a word count! In somewhat related news though, I'm going to be attempting Nanowrimo for all of my fics as a whole. That will hopefully mean faster updates on this fic! If you happen to enjoy Stranger Things, I'll also be working on those fics as well to hit my goal. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks again for the love!

Each time the glass doors to the airport opened, a sharp cold breeze blasted through, sending shivers down the handful of people left at baggage claim.

 

“Jesus Clarke, how many bags did you take home?” Bellamy asked with a groan, hugging his jacket closer to his body.

 

“I only brought one, I just hadn’t planned on having to check it at the gate,” Clarke replied, her tone snappish at having to repeat herself again. “It’s not my fault the bags were delayed getting off the plane.”

 

“Hey! Shut up and watch the carousel,” came Octavia’s voice as she rejoined them from her trip to the vending machine. “I don’t want to miss it just because you two won’t stop arguing.”

 

Clarke and Bellamy gave each other the side eye before sullenly returning to stare at the moving track in front of them. The bags had slowed to a trickle and they were all getting antsy waiting for Clarke’s bag to hurry up and come through. They’d been there for thirty minutes already and the woman at the airline’s desk had seemed thoroughly uninterested in giving them a straight answer.

 

She hadn’t planned on getting a ride back to campus with the Blake siblings, but when Clarke had mentioned she was going to have take a taxi cab back, Bellamy had immediately volunteered to pick her up. He’d insisted it would be cheaper chipping in for a bit of his gas than to pay for a cab, so she relented and promised to throw in some fries from the first fast food place that they passed on the highway. Everything had seemed like a great plan, getting it all straightened out the night before.

 

But a Christmas break of texting Bellamy was very different to being with him in person.

 

“Such a princess,” muttered Bellamy, shifting his weight as he attempted to stay warm.

 

Clarke pointedly ignored his comment. “If you’re going to be such an ass about waiting, how about you go pull your car up and get the heat going.”

 

“Yeah Bell, there’s no way I’m getting into that icebox of yours,” Octavia agreed, chomping on the chips she had purchased.

 

It was a valid enough idea that Bellamy didn’t actually put up much of a fight. Instead he cast an arched eyebrow at Clarke before swiping a couple chips from Octavia on his way to the parking lot. 

 

The second he was out of earshot, Octavia rounded on Clarke.

 

“Okay, since when the hell are you and my brother best friends?” she demanded.

 

Clarke’s brows furrowed at the phrasing, not having expected the questioning. 

 

“Best friends?” A snort. “That seems like a bit of an exaggeration. We’re just friends.”

 

“Still. I feel like last semester you and him couldn’t stand to be around each other. And then around finals you guys seemed to be on decent terms. And then the next thing I know, you and him are texting all break? I didn’t even know my brother knew how to text!”

 

When it was all laid out like that, Clarke had to admit it certainly seemed like they were really close. And that had texted each almost every day. 

 

“Don’t worry about it Octavia. Again, we’re _just_ friends,” she finally clarified. 

 

Octavia let out a laugh and slung her arm over Clarke’s shoulder. 

 

“Worried? Are you kidding me? I’m impressed, I never thought I’d see the day,” she teased, poking Clarke in the ribs. “Oh wait! Isn’t that your suitcase?”

 

Octavia’s words echoed in Clarke’s ears as they made their way out to meet Bellamy, the missing suitcase in hand. They stayed there as they climbed into the large black Jeep, Clarke sliding into the back seat. The car was indeed warm and Bellamy had turned on a seventies radio station softly. She grinned at the sight of a book sitting on the consul before falling back into her thoughts. Bellamy and Octavia had jumped into a debate about the best way to get back to campus and she was free to think about what her friend had said.

 

She knew Bellamy didn’t text a lot of people — it was something she had been surprised about at first. And she hadn’t meant for it to happen. She’d been stuck at home while her mom was at work and there had been nothing good on TV. Therefore prompting her to shoot him a text, sending him the age-old question: _what’s the point of all of these channels if there’s nothing to watch?_

 

He hadn’t responded for an hour, but once he did the conversation hadn’t stopped for the rest of the afternoon. And then the rest of break.

 

Octavia’s reaction to it made her pause though. 

 

She and Bellamy had drawn their lines with each other, and they had promised to become friends. That was all they were doing. 

 

But it seemed like a dangerous game to become too close to soulmate when you had no intentions of being with them. Who knew what forced chemicals would go off in her brain or whatever it was about the soul marks that drew people together? She couldn’t risk it.

 

Catching his profile though as he laughed at something Octavia said, Clarke found herself smiling too, even against her will. 

 

Fuck fate honestly. She was stronger than a random mark; she could be just friends with her soulmate if that was what she wanted. 

 

Octavia’s face came into her view.

 

“You’re coming to the party tonight right Clarke? Bell’s throwing a huge one!” 

 

“It’s not huge,” Bellamy corrected, his eyes meeting Clarke’s through the rear view mirror. “But you’re more than welcome to come if you want.”

 

He gave her a crooked smile, one that she had only begun to see right before Christmas break when they would catch up between finals. It still made her mark hum just slightly, no matter how hard she ignored it. All she needed to do was remind herself that it was the mark acting on its own in no accordance to her feelings.

 

She was just excited to see him after the break, as she would be with any friend.

 

“Of course! Can I bring a new friend? I think you guys will like her.”

 

* * *

 

The cold of that January night didn’t stop any of their friends from showing up to Bellamy’s small apartment. Leftover snow crunched under foot and tracked its way towards Bellamy’s front door. An old wreath hung outside, withered from being left out for so long but the inside was warm and bright. Music streaming, blankets abound, a laptop with a video of a fireplace pulled up. It was the perfect way to celebrate being back on campus, reunited with each other before the new semester started up.

 

“Clarke, I hear your voice. You better not leave your fucking shoes at the door like you always — oh, hey! You must be Clarke’s friend.” Bellamy surprised expression shifted into friendly host mode, once he had come into the hallway and noticed that she wasn’t alone. 

 

“Bellamy this is Raven, Raven this is Bellamy,” Clarke said, completely ignoring Bellamy’s earlier instruction and depositing her boots right in front of the doorway. 

 

“Thanks for being chill with me bandwagoning,” Raven said to Bellamy, “I wasn’t sure if it would be alright but Clarke seemed to think it would be.”

 

“What the princess wants, the princess gets is pretty much the rule,” he whispered back, barely getting out of the way of Clarke’s thrown mittens and receiving a laugh from Raven. 

 

“Everyone’s inside already. Monty and Jasper brought the drinks so go ahead and make yourselves at home. Snacks are in the pantry if you need.”

 

With that, he turned on his heel to return to the noisy living room.

 

“You didn’t tell me your friend was so cute,” hissed Raven, giving Clarke a pointed look.

 

“Don’t let him hear you say that,” she responded, shaking Raven’s hand off. “He doesn’t need any help in the ego department. Anyway, it’s not even like that.”

 

Raven let out a long, disbelieving hum. But she seemed to accept the answer and made her way deeper into the apartment. Clarke looked down at her wrist, thankful for the colder weather so that it was easier to hide her soul mark. Bellamy had it easy — he just had to wear a shirt to cover his. She’d have to remember to order more bracelets for when summer rolled around. With one last tug at the sleeve of her flannel, Clarke followed the swish of Raven’s ponytail.

 

If Clarke had originally had any misgivings about inviting Raven over, they completely dissipated in moments of everyone hanging out. 

 

The friendship that she and Bellamy had been able to eventually forge (turned out they weren’t as different as she had thought at first), it had only naturally lead to their friend groups merging. 

 

Bellamy lived with his friend Miller who Clarke had already met, as well as a third guy named Murphy who she was pretty sure she had only seen twice since that first coffee run with Bellamy. She wasn’t even quite positive if Murphy was his first or last name, but it didn’t seem like it was worth asking. Octavia and Clarke shared their friendship with Monty and Jasper, much to Miller’s delight since he was a frequent consumer of their beverages and a few of their more… edible concoctions. And Clarke had cautiously invited Monroe and Harper over into the group as well, though the latter had struck it off a little bit more. 

 

Drinks in hand, the group had all settled into the living room. Murphy was idly adjusting the music, having a sneaky talent for making the best playlists. Clarke was leaning up against the side of the couch while Harper braided her hair, taking sips of the drink and letting the whiskey burn her throat some while she listened to Jasper rant about the new RA that had apparently taken over their floor this year.

 

Two people had referenced her and Bellamy being something more, or at least having the potential for it.

 

Realistically Octavia hadn’t said anything specifically, but still. Her look at the airport had told Clarke enough.

 

Raven had said something _after interacting with him for two minutes_. 

 

Another sip, embracing the burn down her throat.

 

She wanted to explain their decision to be platonic soulmates. Get them off of her back, because she didn’t believe that they were interacting any differently. It must have been the marks that gave them an air of something different that made people see things.

 

But telling people that would override everything.

 

They’d be expected to be soulmates.

 

So for now, she’d just have to endure a couple side comments from people and maybe watch closely how they interacted. She didn’t want to get too confident about immediately finding someone to date, but that would definitely help.

 

She was broken out of her musings by a poke in her shoulder by Harper.

 

“Earth to Clarke! We were asking how you and Raven met,” she said with a grin. 

 

Raven laughed into her drink, which caused Clarke to start laughing as well. They were practically rolling on the ground laughing, much to the amusement of those around them.

 

“Jesus all we did was ask how they met,” Murphy snorted from his perch on the back of the couch. 

 

“No, no. I promise, it’s a really funny story,” Clarke said, attempting to catch her breath. 

 

“You have to start it,” Raven said with a devilish grin.

 

“Ugh, fine. Okay,” Clarke repositioned herself up straighter and addressed the group now with composure. “So I ran into this guy at the art supply store. He seems cute and all, so we struck up a conversation.”

 

The start piqued everyone’s interest and they all leaned in closer. Harper’s braid started to fall out as Clarke filled everyone in how this guy had been really nice and their conversation had lead to them exchanging phone numbers. It had seemed like harmless fun, and outside of Wells, Clarke didn’t have a lot of friends back home so it seemed like too good of an opportunity to pass up. He’d then texted her later that night about going to get coffee the next day.

 

Raven took that chance to jump in and clarify that she had still been up here in Virginia the whole time this was happening.

 

Judging from the horrified look on Octavia and Harper’s faces, they’d already figured out where this was going. 

 

Clarke told them how she ended up going on a couple dates with him and really was starting to liked him, but is really confused as to why he seemed so secretive and seemingly nonexistent according to social media.

 

“Finn always told me he didn’t care about any of the platforms or anything. Thought they didn’t really contribute to society or anything,” Raven injected.

 

“But my best friend back home, Wells, is a professional internet navigator,” Clarke added on. “So he did what any good friend would do and promised to figure him out. And that’s where Raven comes in."

 

Raven nodded enthusiastically.

 

“Right. So I get this message from a guy I’ve never met before asking if I know Finn. So of course I explain he’s my boyfriend, and then Wells tells me that he has a friend I really need to talk to. Like immediately.”

 

Even Murphy muttered a soft, “ _yikes_ ” at that.

 

“So I text this random girl and ask if something has happened Finn. And then we immediately call each other and spill everything.” Raven gives Clarke a hesitant smile. “I have to admit, I was definitely a dick at first on the phone to her. It was easier that way, but Clarke talked me down from it. It just sucks when you find out your boyfriend of five years is cheating on you.” 

 

Clarke shook her head.

 

“You had every right to be. I couldn’t believe I was the other woman. It sucked ass. But the longer we spoke, the more we just kind of clicked. And so I told Finn to fuck off, he wasn’t worth it and she’s a badass. And that was even before I found out that Raven actually lives up here.”

 

“I’m part time over at the tech school just about thirty minutes away from here,” she explained. “I own a body shop that I’m working at but I’m trying to get more into computers and shit so it was back to the classroom for me. And luckily now I have my first real friend around here. I’m glad so it worked out really well in the end, even if stung for a little while.”

 

“God I’m so glad we got it figured out too,” Clarke breathed out. “There was no way that could go anywhere except in a downward spiral.”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about this guy?”

 

Bellamy’s question abruptly halted the conversation. He was looking at Clarke with frustration, his brows scrunched together and his mouth twisted in disappointment. It wasn’t an expression she’s experienced from him before and she felt both annoyed and chagrined by it. 

 

“I wasn’t aware I had to report every part of my life to you,” finally was Clarke’s retort.

 

The group had fallen unsettlingly quiet and she could see them glance at each other out of the corner of her eye.

 

Bellamy didn’t respond.

 

_Stupid stupid stupid stupid._

 

Clarke pushed herself off of the floor. “Whatever, I’m going to get some air.”

 

Not bothering to grab her shoes from the front, she made her way into the kitchen and towards the small door the lead to the even smaller back patio. It was large enough for maybe two people to stand out there and the railing had definitely seen better days. It was an older apartment complex, technically not considered “on-campus” even though their university partnered with the renters to advertise to students. When Bellamy had first brought her over it had been for about five minutes while he ran in and got homework for the library. She’d cautiously poked around, taking it all in. He’d been sheepish about it, suddenly making her aware of the uncomfortableness he had in the difference in their economic backgrounds. She got it though. This place had to be infinitely cheaper than on-campus housing. Plus, the three guys had easily made it homey in a way that she wasn’t sure she’d ever feel even in a fancier apartment.

 

Even in the cold though, she still felt that cosiness to it.

 

Taking a big gulp of her drink still tightly clutched in her hand, Clarke dropped onto the single chair that had been shoved out there. Her breath floated out in front of her and her toes curled as the coldness of the wooden porch sunk in. Maybe not her brightest idea, but it was better than being in there and arguing with him.

 

Bellamy seemed to know how to always perfectly get under her skin. She couldn’t stand it.

 

But as if her thoughts had conjured him, she heard the door creak open beside her. A long shadow from the kitchen lights and then the large hands of one Bellamy Blake, offering her a blanket. She slowly took the peace offering from him, stealing a glance up at him. He at least looked apologetic. They sat in silence for a minute, her nursing her drink while he stood stoically and clutched his beer tightly. Clarke could hear the party resuming inside and she was glad at least not everyone was effected by the awkwardness between them.

 

“I’m… sorry,” Bellamy finally said. His apology came out just as stiff as his posture. “I was just surprised. We had talked all break, I don’t know how you forget to bring something like that up to me.”

 

Clarke contemplated why she hadn’t. “Well, I guess it didn’t feel like I needed to. We’re friends now yeah, but that’s like really _close_ friend shit. Best friend shit. I wasn’t sure if you’d even want to hear about that.”

 

“Because I’m your soulmate?” 

 

Clarke’s gaze flew up to his, but a small teasing smile had begun to tug at the corners of his mouth and she relaxes with a slight laugh.

 

“Nice try. But, is it wrong that it’s part of it?” Clarke asked uncertainly. 

 

He shrugged, glancing at her and then fully turning his body to lean against the railing. 

 

“I don’t know. I know we agreed to be open to dating other people, I hadn’t really thought about this. How would you feel if I texted you about people?”

 

The idea of it definitely felt weird to Clarke so she slowly shook her head.

 

“Yeah, no. I think I’m fine not knowing yours.”

 

Bellamy nodded slowly. “In that case then I apologize for overreacting. Truce? And good lord Clarke, let’s go back inside it’s way too cold to just sit out here.”

 

Laughing, Clarke agreed to the truce and happily made her way back into the warmth of the kitchen. She was thankful that even she would pout or storm out, somehow with Bellamy it never lasted very long. And when they came back in, no one commented on any of it — for which she was extremely glad about. She wasn’t sure how to explain their new turbulent friendship and this weird dance of learning how much to let someone into their life. 

 

Bellamy was grabbing another beer to return to all of them when Clarke stopped him.

 

“Since we’re on the topic…” her voice trailed off hesitantly.

 

Bellamy’s eyebrows raised curiously and he paused at the counter. 

 

“What topic?”

 

“Well, not entirely on topic. But your mark, I was just curious.”

 

“Clarke, we were talking about texting each other about romantic or sexual interests,” Bellamy laughed. “Not sure what that has to do with our marks.”

 

Letting out a huffy breath, Clarke rolled her eyes. “Everything, duh. It wouldn’t even have to be a thing if we weren’t soulmates. We couldn’t even question about telling each other that type of stuff.”

 

He conceded to the point and gave her a look of expectation to finish her question.

 

“When did you feel it?” Her words tumbled out in a quiet rush. 

 

Bellamy didn’t answer right away and Clarke was seconds away from repeating herself, but she didn’t end up needing to.

 

“At the party. After homecoming.”

 

Clarke shook her head. 

 

“I thought you didn’t know,” she asked incredulously. 

 

“I didn’t,” Bellamy shrugged. “But that’s why I left so quickly. I could feel it, like it was waking up and there was this deep burn right in my chest. I already told you though — I don’t have any interest in them so rather than even bother trying to figure it out, I just ditched.”

 

It was odd hearing him talk about it, so casually but also cautiously. It felt deeply personal to talk about it with him.

 

He looked up at her with a sneaky grin though only a beat later.

 

“Plus, I couldn’t exactly just turn away the two lovely ladies with me, could I?”

 

Rolling her eyes, Clarke shoved Bellamy softly in the arm. Though she couldn’t help but crack a smile at that either.

 

“You’re too much,” she muttered. A moment of hesitation. “For the record, I am glad it’s you.”

 

She could tell from his expression that her statement genuinely caught him off guard.

 

“Really? That seems hard to believe.”

 

“Don’t get me wrong Bellamy, you’re still a dick,” Clarke reminded him sternly, but then her voice softened. “I just never knew how I was going to be able to reject a soulmate. But you’ve respected my decision and it’s just a bonus that you didn’t want one either.”

 

“To being rejected,” he said jokingly in response, pushing his drink towards hers.

 

“Cheers to that,” and they clinked drinks before knocking some back.

 

“Hey guys! Now that you’re done being dumbasses, hurry up and join us!” Miller shouted from his comfortable seat on the couch.

 

Monty was in the process of setting up Mario Party in the living room. Clarke could see her friends scrambling for controllers from here and it made her grin. 

 

“You gonna try to get in on that?” Bellamy nodded his head towards the ruckus.

 

“Me? Oh god no, those games scare me. That’s how you lose friends.” 

 

“Scared Griffin?”

 

“Scared of the game? Um, hell yes. It’s pure and utter chaos,” Clarke replied, relaxing onto the counter alongside Bellamy.

 

He leaned in close to her, their hands inches apart. She didn’t dare turn her head to look him in the eye. She knew there would hardly be any space between the two of them if she did and she wasn’t sure she could handle that. The smell of the beer on his breath swirled with the smell of what must have been leftover pizza for dinner and the cologne she had never noticed before on him. It was unbearably him and she suddenly wanted to claw off her wrist, entirely blaming her mark on this hypersensitive reaction to the smells. _It was just Bellamy._

 

“What’s wrong with a little chaos?” he whispered, making the hair on the back of her neck curl. 

 

He didn’t wait for answer, popping the bottle cap off of his beer and striding out into the living room. Clarke could guarantee the flush on her face wasn’t just from the alcohol and inwardly groaned. Bellamy was a dick, but even she had to admit now that he was insanely attractive. Which wasn’t helping her case with any of this at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay now that I'm done writing this chapter, I promise they're not always going to be drinking in each one. My mindset with all of the parties at the moment is that since Bellamy and Clarke are just starting to develop their friendship, they mainly only see each other on weekends. But as they become closer, I promise we'll mainly see them sober with each other! But hey, sometimes alcohol brings out confessions and feelings ya know?
> 
> Thanks again for checking it out and I'll see you hopefully soon with the next update!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're baaacck! I'm seriously so in love with this fic, I can't remember the last time I've churned out work so quickly. These two will be the death of me. A quick note that Lexa has a cameo in this. Since it's incredibly brief, I didn't end up listing her as a character for the fic. But just a heads up that she makes an appearance! 
> 
> Oh and some angst. Nothing too crazy, but you know that these two can't just get together right away right?

Clarke’s phone sat on the pillow next to her, just as silent as it had been for the last hour. 

 

She was trying to not overthink it, really. But she was still annoyed by it. It had been easily an hour since she had texted Bellamy about hanging out that evening. It had been a couple weeks since the party as his place and while things had been talked out, there were lingering concerns she still had about it.

 

Wells had just told her that she was overthinking all of it.

 

That hadn’t helped anything, even though he was probably right.

 

Plus the start to the semester had been more overwhelming than Clarke had expected and she found it was easier explaining things to Bellamy. He didn’t coddle her fears, but he also always found a way to put things in a perspective that helped her approach things differently when she was too inside her own head. So she’d texted him in hopes that maybe they could hang out and he could talk her off this ledge she had put herself on. She had two more years of college, there was no way that she could stay this stressed.

 

But it had been radio silence all afternoon.

 

A knock at her door broke her thoughts as she flipped through the magazine in front of her.

 

“Door’s unlocked,” she shouted, looking up as it swung open.

 

Harper’s smiling face poked around the door. “Tell me you don’t have plans tonight.”

 

Clarke smiled despite still feeling pouty about being ignored. 

 

“I don’t have plans at all,” she declared, swinging her legs over the edge of her bed. “What are we doing?”

 

Pushing the door open some more, Harper leaned up against the frame. Clarke could barely see Monty behind her in the hallway, presumedly talking to Jasper. 

 

“We were thinking of checking out the basketball game, want to join? And apparently the team throws a wild party after, we’re going to see if we can find out where it is” adding on the second part when she saw the skeptical look on Clarke’s face.

 

It wasn’t that she didn’t have school spirit, she just wasn’t sure she’d ever gone to a basketball game before in her life. Football for sure, and her dad used to love showing her soccer games on TV. But it certainly helped if there was a party afterwards. Double that when a certain platonic soulmate of hers wasn’t answering his texts. 

 

So she agreed to join them, throwing on a pair of boots and a jacket to join the rest of them. Shoving her phone in her back pocket, she quickly checked it and saw Bellamy had finally responded. It was short, something about being busy that night. And a “sorry” with no type of punctuation used at all.

 

Whatever.

 

She didn’t need him.

 

* * *

 

Clarke ended up liking the game a lot more than she would have thought. It was so much faster paced than football and she found herself engrossed in it, nearly launching her popcorn off of her lap when one of their players was tripped by an opponent and nothing was done about that. After that, she and Jasper heckled the refs for the rest of the game. Much to the embarrassment of Harper and Monty who kept refusing to look at the two of them, shielding their faces so their silent laughter didn’t further encourage their friends.

 

What didn’t miss her attention either was the number of cute people there either. 

 

Basketball players and their fans were _very much_ her type.

 

“Why did no one tell me how cute basketball players were?” She asked with a hum. 

 

“If you think the guys are cute, the girls’ team is over there in that section,” Jasper pointed out, directing her attention to her left.

 

“It’s right by the concessions stand too, you should definitely walk by and talk with the cutest one you see,” Harper offered.

 

“Is that a challenge?”

 

Monty immediately pulled out a ten dollar bill.

 

“This is yours if you get a date or get us into the after party. They’re one of the only teams left that Jasper and I haven’t figured out a deal with yet.”

 

“Too easy,” Clarke shrugged, jumping to her feet. “See you all when I’m back with a date.”

 

Clarke’s confidence paid off, having caught the eye of one of the girls on the lower part of the section nearly immediately. The girl had on a jersey and tight jeans, her long brown hair falling down her back with a couple braids keeping it out of her face. The look she gave Clarke was nearly enough to make her trip as she walked, nearly losing her cool.

 

While she stood in line at the concessions, she did her best to keep glancing over her shoulder. Casual enough to not be creepy, but enough to make sure that she and the girl made eye contact. Finally, after about the third time, the girl pushed off the bleachers and made her way over to the concession stand.

 

She nodded to the guy retrieving Clarke’s food before turning to her.

 

“Is it too forward if I ask if you were looking at me on purpose?” Her voice was low and confident, making a shiver race down Clarke’s spine.

 

She was so used to people dancing around the topic with her, it felt nice to be open about it. 

 

“I would definitely say there’s a chance of that,” she teased, suddenly unsure if she had what it took to hook up with someone that was very quickly seeming out of her league. 

 

But the girl seemed to like the response, her eyes shining and a grin twitching on her lips.

 

“I’m Lexa,” the girl offered, reaching her hand out to shake Clarke’s.

 

It was a peculiarly proper way to introduce yourself to someone, a giggle escaping from Clarke’s lips as she reached out to shake it.

 

“Clarke, it’s nice to meet you.”

 

“I’ve not seen you at a game before.”

 

“If you can keep a secret, it’s actually my first one,” Clarke whispered with a flirtatious smile, leaning in close as if it was a big secret. 

 

“I’ll not tell the team then,” Lexa said with a smirk. “But here,” she stopped Clarke from paying for her food. “Let me treat then, it’s only fair.”

 

“What’s the trade off if I sit with you and you help explain the rules to me?” Clarke looked up Lexa with a tilt of her head and if the girl wasn’t so stoic, she would swear that she saw a hint of a blush on her cheeks.

 

“How about we figure that out during the second half of the game?” She offered, her eyes drifting down to Clarke’s lips.

 

After the game, with Lexa’s warm around her waist, Clarke announced to her friends that they’d all been invited to the basketball team’s after party that night. When no one else was looking, Monty had slipped her the bill and she grinned at him as he gave her a thumbs up.

 

Clarke was incredibly glad she hadn’t stayed in bed moping about schoolwork or Bellamy being lame about not responding. In fact, she hadn’t even thought about him for a while tonight. Which was perfectly fine. They were just friends with separate lives. None of the others seemed to have been concerned about him not coming to the game. In fact it had been a great night for the sophomores of their group to hang out, not even including Bellamy’s roommates. So really, there was no reason for her to feel like he should be joining them.

 

Nope, she was perfectly intent to just enjoy tonight for herself.

 

* * *

 

Fanning herself, Clarke pulled back her hair to cool off her neck.

 

These parties got hot quickly and she was quickly learning that going out in the winter was no easy task. She’d had to salvage her jacket from a couch where it had been under a couple that was making out, meaning that she was now awkwardly carrying it around with her. 

 

A quick look at someone’s phone on the counter told her it wasn’t even that late, which seemed crazy when she combined how dark it was out with how much alcohol she had consumed.

 

Fuck, how much had she had?

 

Maybe it was best to leave actually. She and her friends had wanted to party, but she wasn’t certain she had factored partying this hard into the equation. But the more she looked throughout the house, the more frustrated she became. She couldn’t find either of the guys or Harper anywhere.

 

She wedged her way past a group of guys into the kitchen, trying to trace their steps back from earlier. She knew Monty had talked with one of the athletes to try to secure some type of deal for setting up their parties. Maybe they were still back there. The basketball player was still helping pour drinks out to the partygoers so Clarke cut through the line, apologizing to people as she went.

 

“Have you seen my friends? The guys that came to talk to you?” Clarke shouted into the guy’s ear. 

 

He shrugged and shook his head. “We struck a deal and he bounced I think,” he shouted back. “Want a drink?”

 

The smell of the alcohol was too much and Clarke quickly shook her head, her stomach still rolling with the tequila shot that she and Lexa had a bit ago.

 

Which now that she thought about it, she hadn’t seen Lexa in a bit. 

 

The other girl had definitely seemed interested in her if their dancing had been any indication earlier, but that shot had probably made Clarke cross the threshold of her tolerance and she suddenly wasn’t feeling so hot. And without the brunette girl with her, it was harder to feel inclined to stay too much longer. Especially since she couldn’t find her friends. 

  
She didn’t blame them for leaving though, they had probably guessed correctly at the time that Clarke wouldn’t be leaving with them.

 

Except that was then, and this was now.

 

And Clarke was decidedly too drunk for all of this right now. No matter how cute Lexa was.

 

Pushing past a couple grinding and dodging a mess on the floor where someone had spilled their drink, she made the quick decision that she wanted to leave _now_.

 

Cranking up the brightness on her phone, she attempted to stumble away from the ruckus of the party by escaping into a hallway. It wasn’t much of a reprieve but it was as good as it was going to get at this tiny house. She quickly pulled up her text messages, only having to scroll some to find the one she was looking for. She held up her phone tightly to her ear as it rang.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Bell. Ah. Meeeee.” Clarke giggled as she broke his name down by pronunciation. He groaned, clearly not appreciating her drunk humor as much as she was.

 

“Clarke is this urgent? Are you drunk?” Bellamy’s voice seemed a bit shorter than normal over the phone, more similar to how he had been when they first met.

 

“I can’t find my friends,” Clarke whined, biting her lip and leaning against the closest wall. “And my head hurts. I wanna go home but I think it’s too far to walk.”

 

A pause on the line. “How much have you had to drink?”

 

“I might have lost count,” Clarke admitted, moving out of the way of the line that was forming outside of the bathroom of the hallway she was in. It suddenly felt like there were too many people around her and she pushed to focus her mind on the call on hand.

 

Just in time too since it appeared Bellamy had been trying to ask her something.

 

“Clarke, did you hear what I asked?”

 

Oops.

 

He definitely had entered protective-older-brother mode.

 

“Kinda?” _A skeptical hum from Bellamy_. “Okay, no.”

 

“I asked where you are. Gina and I can come get you,” Bellamy asked, and this time Clarke had no trouble focusing on the conversation at hand.

 

It all seemed to click in that second. The brief texts earlier. The unwillingness to answer his phone. Being with someone named _Gina_. Clarke had zero doubts that guys and girls could be friends; she was a walking example of it. But she knew all of Bellamy’s friends. And none them had that name.

 

“Are you… on a date?” She whispered dramatically.

 

“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t sound so surprised,” he grumbled. A distant voice asked him something and she could vaguely hear his response, something along the lines of that he was figuring out where she was now.

 

“At a sports person’s place.”

 

“That’s not a real thing Clarke. What sport?”

 

“Well I went to a basketball game before this,” she rubbed at her forehead. She could already feel the headache forming. 

 

Bellamy said something else to the girl on the other line, presumedly relaying the information. She must have known which house it was since when Bellamy returned to the phone, he instructed her to stay put and that they were on their way now. 

 

Satisfied with her decision, Clarke made her way back into the party. Clearly the hallway wasn’t going to work out anymore, not if the mess of crying girls and leering guys were any indication. But she didn’t know how much longer it was going to be and the safest way to ensure that no one offered you a drink was to have one in hand. So Clarke forced herself back into the kitchen, tapping the keg and pouring a half of cup of beer. Definitely a better option for her stomach compared to whatever bucket it was that the basketball team had made. She could even smell the Everclear from where she was and knew immediately why Monty and Jasper had been so determined to help these guys with their drinks. That shit smelled wretched now that she was aware of it. 

 

It didn’t take too long though, the time passing quickly as she bobbed her head to the music and tried to chat with a couple people and attempted to slowly drink her beer. 

 

“Hey, Clarke!” Bellamy’s voice cut through the music and chatter, a booming deep voice that reverberated through her.

 

“Bell!” She grinned widely as she caught the wave he was giving as he pushed his way through the crowd towards her.

 

And then her eyes fell on the person who had walked in behind him.

 

“Coffee shop girl!” Clarke blurted out.

 

It was the girl from Grounders, who had checked Bellamy out when they had met up to discuss this mess of a soulmates situation. She still has the curly brown hair, pulled into a low ponytail. They’re both dressed casually, but not too casually. Somehow she still pulled off the look ridiculously well, taller than she remembered. Clarke isn’t even sure what type of date Bellamy would take someone on.

 

If she had been just a bit more sober, she would have noticed the dull ache in her wrist. But her senses felt all out of whack and she was much more focused on staying upright.

 

Gina chuckled, bumping into Bellamy’s shoulder playfully.

 

“So I guess you hadn’t told your friends yet about us,” she teased. “But I guess there are worse things to be known for. I’m Gina,” she added on, giving Clarke a small wave.

 

Clarke’s stomach dropped but she forced a grin on her face. Okay she changed her mind, she wasn’t ready to leave, she wanted, no — needed, more to drink.

 

“Well now that we all know each other’s names, let me make up for interrupting your date and pour you a drink!” She started to maneuver further back into the crowd.

 

“Don’t worry about it Clarke, let’s get you home. You’ve definitely had too much to drink already.”

 

“Belllllll,” she dragged out his name with a pout. “Come on, at least you guys should have one drink now that you’re here. And then we can go. I was lonely.” 

 

“Clarke, no. Come on, let’s go home.” He reached out to put his arm on her shoulder to guide her towards the door.

 

“Can I help you?”

 

A sharp voice interrupted them and Clarke turned to see Lexa behind them, hand on her hip. 

 

“Lexa! This is my friend Bellamy and uh… Gina,” Clarke introduced them quickly, her words stumbling out awkwardly and she wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or the situation.

 

“I just came to take Clarke home,” Bellamy crossed his arms across his chest.

 

“I think Clarke’s a big girl, she can make decisions on her own.” 

 

Clarke understood what Lexa was doing, and the gesture was appreciated even if it was unwarranted. She would have probably done the same if the roles were reversed and she saw a guy trying to take a girl home. Plus, she wasn’t sure if it was the dim lighting of the house or the spinning that was currently going on in her head, but there seemed to be a bit of jealousy in Lexa’s eyes as well. Or at least until she noticed the girl behind Bellamy.

 

“It’s totally fine,” Clarke said, placing a hand on Lexa’s arm. “I called him. Bell’s the best. And the dad of my friend group so I knew he’d come get me.” 

 

She learned into Lexa and whispered, “I think I interrupted his date too, whoops.” 

 

Lexa relaxed a little but still seemed skeptical, giving Bellamy a once-over. 

 

“Okay. Well, text me when you’re home. Glad you came over,” she said reluctantly, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on Clarke’s cheek. 

 

She nodded hazily to her before quickly hurrying to catch up to Bellamy, who was waiting expectantly at the door for her. Gina appeared to already be heading towards the car. The January wind was cold and it helped sober Clarke up a bit, enough to hurry alongside Bellamy’s much longer legs to get into the vehicle.

 

“This is the cleanest I’ve ever seen your car,” Clarke remarked as she climbed into the Rover.

 

“Whatever Princess, sorry I don’t have a maid to clean it,” he snarked back, no heat to his words though. Even drunk, Clarke couldn’t find herself angry at the joke. After all, her mom did get her car routinely cleaned.

 

It turned out to be a good thing that she had called him too. She’d been so distracted by Lexa that she hadn’t noticed how far off campus they had gone. The car ride was silent in terms of talking, though the radio played softly. Clarke was thankful for that, her ears ringing from the party they’d just left. But she couldn’t help but notice the music seemed more indie than the usual stuff Bellamy listened to. And she also noticed his hand resting on Gina’s thigh while he drove, his left hand on the steering wheel alone.

 

Closing her eyes with that burned into her vision, Clarke tried to ignore the bounce of the car on the road while they made it towards her building.

 

When they eventually did though, she still wasn’t feeling much better.

 

“I don’t feel like walking that far,” Clarke huffed as she looked across the long quad that lead to her dorm room. 

 

“Tough shit Clarke, let’s go.”

 

“Bellamy, she’s drunk. Don’t be a dick,” Gina said teasingly, gently helping Clarke climb out of the rover.

 

“See, she’s nice,” Clarke stuck out her tongue at Bellamy.

 

“If you’re going to act like a kid, how about I just give you a piggy back ride so I don’t have to hear you complain the whole walk over?” He retorted.

 

That gave Clarke a moment of hesitation.

 

“For real?”

 

“Sure, why not? I gave O them all of the time.”

  
“I’ll be too heavy,” Clarke found herself protesting.

 

“Oh girl, don’t even,” Gina cut in. “First of all, you’re doubting his strength. But also, don’t worry about your body. You’re beautiful.”

 

_Damn it, this girl really was nice._

 

“Come on,” Bellamy sighed, turning and crouching. “Climb on before I change my mind.”

 

It turned out that piggy backs were now Clarke’s preferred mode of transportation. Screw walking, she wanted to be carried everywhere.

 

True to Gina and Bellamy’s word, he seemed to have no problem with carrying her. Sure they didn’t walk as fast as they could have, but Clarke would have been stumbling around anyway so it that didn’t effect too much. Gina even offered to carry her keys for her so it would be easier for them to get into the building.

 

Clarke could feel herself nodding off though, the rhythm of Bellamy’s walking mixed with the heat radiating off of him into her.

 

“Hey! No falling asleep up there,” Bellamy reprimanded, attempting to nudge her side with his elbow. “We’re almost there, let’s talk the rest of the way. Who was that girl at the party? The one who came to rescue you?”

 

Clarke forced herself to prop her head up. “Lexa.”

 

“She seemed nice. Or at least, she was looking out for you so I can assume she was nice.”

 

“I think she wanted to hook up. She was pretty in that badass kind of way,” Clarke replied. “I met her at the game, she’s the one who invited us to the party.”

 

“You went to a basketball game?” Clarke could feel Bellamy’s laugh in his chest even from where she was clinging on to his back.

 

“Rude. I can go to basketball games,” she said crossly.

 

“Didn’t say you couldn’t Princess,” this time his voice was more affectionate and Clarke immediately blamed the alcohol on the fluttering feeling in her stomach. “So do you think you’ll try to go on a date with her?” 

 

Clarke blearily bopped her nose against the back of his head. The smell of his shampoo was more overwhelming than normal thanks to the alcohol coursing through her. 

 

“Nah,” she mumbled glumly, finally resting her chin on top of his head. “She seems too… serious. I can only have one serious person in my life at a time.”

 

Bellamy let out a laugh, pausing to straighten her on his back.

 

“Am I the serious person?” He teased, drawing even a small laugh from Gina who was in the process of unlocking the front door to Clarke’s dorm. 

 

Clarke’s head dropped a bit lower, suddenly overwhelmed from all of the drinks and very much wishing she was in bed. She could feel Bellamy beginning to shift under her in preparation of having her walk on her own. His curls tickled her cheeks and her hands felt funny.

 

“Alright Princess, time to climb down.” 

 

“Well, yeah. But it’s okay. You’re my favorite,” she whispered into his ear just before sliding off, stumbling just a bit as her boots hit the pavement.

 

Bellamy gave her a slightly odd luck — or maybe she imagined it in her drunken haze. Gina was holding open the door though so Clarke sort of stumbled her way into the building, the two of them following close behind her. She knew they were just being nice, making sure that she got back to her room safely. But now that it was just them, away from the party and inside, she felt acutely aware of the fact about how much of a third wheel she was. But she couldn’t tell them to leave, not after they had come out to get her, so she grimaced and kept making her way down the hall.

 

Their goodbye had only a hint of awkwardness as Clarke clumsily hugged Gina after hugging Bellamy goodnight. She kept them outside of her room though. She’d been with Bellamy before when he had tucked Octavia in after a rough night of drinking. She needed to minimize these interactions since Gina was there and she didn’t trust herself right now. So instead, it had been awkward hugs and promises to drink a lot of water.

 

Which she did, sort of. She had two before deciding crawling into bed and not ever thinking about tonight seemed like a better plan.

 

* * *

 

“I’m never drinking again.”

 

Raven’s laugh carried through the phone and he head popped into view on screen.

 

“I actually don’t know how many times you’ve told me that Griffin, but I don’t believe it any more today than I did the last time.”

 

Clarke groaned, rolling over onto her side and narrowing her eyes at her grinning friend.

 

“I called you for sympathy, not judgement,” she whined as she reached for her water.

 

“Hey, no judgement here, I promise,” Raven swore. “In fact, I promise that next weekend I’ll come out and drink with you so you’re not alone.”

 

“Maybe the weekend after, I’m not sure I’m going to be up for drinking next weekend. And anway, I wasn’t alone,” Clarke grumbled. “It was just I didn’t end up feeling like staying with the girl I went to the party with.” 

 

“Is that why Bellamy picked you up?”

 

Raven’s tone of voice took a decided turn, one that Clarke was very sure she didn’t like.

 

“Well yeah, I just didn’t know he was on a date at the time.”

 

“He still came and got you though.”

 

There was the point that Clarke didn’t enjoy thinking about. The thing that had been nagging her since last night while he had given her a piggy-back ride and she had gotten a face-full of his hair. Not unable to think about the fact that he had interrupted a date to come get her. Yes, with the date alongside him, but still. It was a lot to chew on.

 

“He’d have done it for anyone.”

 

Raven hummed in disagreement but didn’t say anything.

 

“Gina was with him though, so it wasn’t like he ditched her. Obviously it wasn’t a problem for her.” Clarke hated the way her voice curled around Gina’s name. It was unfair to someone who seemed like a genuinely nice person. Jealously was ugly and she didn’t want any part of it. 

 

She wanted Bellamy to be happy.

 

Finally Raven spoke up again. “Clarke, it’s okay if you have a crush on Bellamy. He’s cute and you guys are friends.”

 

“It’s not that simple,” Clarke whispered, her eyes unintentionally suddenly stinging with tears. She felt the dull ache in her wrist return and she looked down to see the star moving faster in circles on her wrist. 

 

“I mean yeah, it sucks he has a girlfriend now. But as long as you don’t pull a stunt to break them up, crushes are fine. Which I know sounds weird coming from me, so you have to promise to not say anything to him because we don’t need any repeats. And then —”

 

“We’re soulmates.”

 

Raven stopped talking and Clarke found that she couldn’t look at her phone anymore, dropping it down on her pillow so it faced the ceiling.

 

More silence.

 

“Raven?” She asked timidly, still too scared to see her friend’s reaction.

 

“Wow. I mean, wow.”

 

“Yeah.” Clarke let out a long breath.

 

“For a long time I thought Finn and I would be soulmates, but neither of us had a mark. So I just wrote it off.” Raven’s voice was smaller and Clarke’s heart hurt.

 

Fuck soulmates. All they did was complicate things.

 

“Does he know?” 

 

Clarke wrestled with that one. She’d already broken their rule about not telling anyone that they were soulmates. But Raven didn’t go to Arkadia so at least it was still sort of a safe choice? But she wanted to protect Bellamy. And whatever this budding romance was with Gina. Because how else was she going to explain that they had decided to reject being soulmates? Especially when she could tell how hurt Raven was by not having a mark for the person she had thought loved her. 

 

“No,” she finally whispered. “I haven’t told him.”

 

Her friendship with Bellamy was too important. She didn’t want people to think he was an asshole for dating someone when he had a perfectly single soulmate. She didn’t want to have to explain why suddenly realizing she had a crush on her soulmate was in fact a _bad_ thing. He deserved someone sweet who actually wanted to date him. Not someone who got under his skin and vice-a-versa. Someone who had immediately rejected him on principle before getting to know him.

 

After her call with Raven, Clarke stood in the shower for as long as she could. She put it to as hot as she could stand it and let the steam immerse her. She breathed in as deeply as she could, letting out rattled breaths. Water and sweat beaded her forehead and she swayed as she closed her eyes. Her hangover headache pounded in her head, but it was nothing compared to the searing pain in her wrist that she was trying to drown out.

 

She scrubbed at the mark ferociously, but it remained stark against her skin.

 

Later today she’d order some of the heaviest foundation that she could. Anything that could help her cover it up. 

 

While they might be marked as soulmates, she could get over a crush.

 

She had to if she wanted Bellamy to be happy.

 

Each swipe at her mark was a curse in her mind.

 

How could it have taken her this long already to notice the feelings that had been bubbling up inside her? How quickly she would text him back, how he was the first person that she turned to with good news now? Ever since they’d agreed to become friends, he’d managed to work his way into her every day life and she’d still somehow missed all of the clues. The way that it wasn’t just her mark that would ache when she could tell he was stressed or unhappy, but her heart as well. The familiarity that she felt with him and the way her face would flush when he would catch her staring at him.

 

She could only pray that she hadn’t been obvious. 

 

Because she had rejected their marks and insisted that he do the same. And he deserved someone who had always wanted him. Not someone who was being selfish about wanting the best of both worlds. Gina was real and wanted him.

 

And he wanted her.

 

Letting out a choking sob, Clarke slid down to sit on the tiles of her shower. Monroe would probably be back at any point from the library. And Clarke knew she had a project for her typography class that had sat ignored all week that she needed to work on. But all she could picture in her head was Bellamy’s face when he had left her dorm last night after dropping her off. The sunshine that had shone through his smile as he and Gina had looked at each other, holding hands.

 

She would get over him and support his new relationship. She would do anything if that meant that after everything Bellamy had been through, he got his happy ending.

 

They shared a mark, but he wasn’t hers to have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I added slow burn as a tag for a reason my friends :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're back! This chapter is a bit of a transition chapter, setting up where we're going in the next one. I haven't written it yet but it's fully planned out and I'm super excited to write it! Until then, thank you for all of the love and support this fic has gotten, I hope you enjoy!

Clarke’s fingers flew across the screen of her phone, her excitement and instincts overriding her nerves and not letting her overthink what she was doing.

 

“Hello?”

 

“I got the internship Bell!” Clarke burst out, nearly jumping up and down on the balls of her feet.

 

Bellamy let out a whoop on the other line, the two of them  both laughing  in excitement . 

 

“They loved my portfolio and couldn’t believe I’m only going to be a junior. They want me to go up the first week of June,” she breathlessly explained, finally sitting down on the bench outside the library. 

 

It was the first week of March and the afternoon sun was hitting in just the right spot on the campus grounds, giving the newly green grass a glow as spring crept in. Clarke had been at the library printing out her most recent project for a class when she had felt the buzz of her phone ringing in her back pocket. She’d nearly ignored it, assuming it was some type of spam call, but had thankfully checked and noticed the New York City area code. She’d applied to their internship program at the end of January thanks to Bellamy’s encouragement and had practically given up hope on them ever getting back to her. Until today.

 

“Fuck yes, Clarke. That’s amazing, I always knew they’d want you,” Bellamy replied, the pride in his voice crystal clear even over the phone.

 

Clarke blushed and tugged at one of the holes in her jeans. “Thanks, I wouldn’t have gotten it without you.”

 

“We should go celebrate. You’re done with classes for the day, right? Plus I feel like I haven’t seen you in ages.”

 

She froze.

 

What he said… wasn’t a lie.

 

The worst part though was that it was on purpose. 

 

It had been awhile since her discovery that she had feelings for Bellamy. And while she felt like for the most part she had done a good job of squashing down those feelings, anytime they hung out for too long, she could feel them creep back up. Crawling back into her heart where she knew they couldn’t belong.

 

She’d feel him enter rooms before she saw him. She’d once plucked a piece of fuzz out of his hair while they were doing homework and nearly passed out by the intensity of his gaze when she had pulled back. She’d reminded herself that she was projecting that. Everyone’s stare was intense when you were that close to their face. _Which was a good reminder to keep a respectable amount of space between their faces at all times_. 

 

Clarke was pretty sure his smile was the prettiest one she had ever seen and she’d taken to counting his freckles while he sat next to her, using the excuse of him talking to look at him longer than she knew she should.

 

But she had made a promise to herself.

 

He deserved a good, healthy relationship with his girlfriend. And luckily, Gina was so nice that Clarke couldn’t even bring herself to feel any type of resentment towards her.

 

Maybe just a bit of sadness.

 

That was what had finally pushed her away though — Gina’s brightness and cheer that she brought to the group when they would all hang out. She’d ended up switching from being a barista at Grounders to being a bartender at a bar just off-campus, Polis. So Clarke would sneak a couple shots in before going, cursing her young birthday, and they’d all troop over to the bar. 

 

Somehow Gina had made it that Murphy smiled a bit more, managing to counteract his sarcasm with deft. Plus it helped that she had introduced him to another one of the girls that worked there, a girl named Emori who shocked everyone in the friend group by turning Murphy’s head. It was also the first time Clarke had ever heard someone call him “John” before. It was a lot to get used to, but she couldn’t say no to another badass girl joining the group. 

 

Monty and Jasper loved her, Harper as well. Her easy-going nature had made her a natural fit with them. Miller and her could put down beers easily together and even Miller’s quiet boyfriend, Jackson, seemed to like her. Gina also seemed to have the approval of Octavia, or at least no outward disagreement. She was obviously Bellamy’s sister, she was bound to be protective of him. Clarke was too afraid to ask though, what that would look like if she did. 

 

Even when Raven would come over on the weekends, she’d begrudgingly admitted to Clarke that Gina seemed really nice. Though she’d also told her that Gina was no her, so that had been nice to hear. 

 

And Raven kept her promise and didn’t reveal to anyone the whole soulmates thing either. 

 

Which combined all into one giant mess where Clarke took it upon herself to take herself out of the equation. Everyone loved Gina too much. Bellamy was happy. She was the miserable one who fell more for Bellamy every time she was with him. 

 

So for the last month, she’d made herself scarce and routinely hid her mark with as much makeup as possible. If she couldn’t see it, it wasn’t real. 

 

“Hey, you still there Clarke?” Bellamy’s voice cut through her frenzied thoughts.

 

“Oh, yeah! Still here; sorry spaced out a bit. You know, just still so excited,” she chewed on her lip as she lied. “I’d love to grab a drink!”

 

“Great! Polis has training I think today for newbies, Gina mentioned. Want to try out that bar a bit closer in, The Drop Ship?” Bellamy’s excitement made it difficult for Clarke to stay anxious.

 

“That sounds awesome, let me grab my stuff and I can meet you at your place?”

 

“Perfect, see you soon! Imagine that, the princess got a job,” he added on teasingly and Clarke hated the way she swooned at the once-hated nickname. 

 

* * *

 

The Drop Ship felt more like a pub than the usual college hangout bar. With its dark wood interior and dim lighting, it set a casual mood more so than a party one. Crammed in the back was pool table and some darts, though that was about it for activities. Against one of the walls was a juke box, which Clarke had immediately beelined for in order to get a series of classic seventies songs playing while Bellamy ordered drinks for them. She didn’t come here as often as other bars. But being here in the afternoon, with just a couple other people relaxing here, she found herself enjoying it more than the sweaty, upbeat atmosphere of Polis. Not that there was anything wrong with that atmosphere, but she felt drawn to the more mature, cozy feeling that the Drop Ship gave off. She could imagine herself coming here and just getting a beer and working on some art, a nice getaway from the stress of the art studio.

 

There was only one other person seated at the bar, engrossed in what appeared to be editing an essay. It left the rest of it wide open for the two of them and Clarke slid in next to Bellamy onto the dark green bar stool, perched just in the middle of the bar.

 

“It’s going to be so much easier when you can actually drink legally,” Bellamy commented as Clarke accepted her glass of Coke. “Or you know, get a fake ID like everyone else.”

 

“It’s not my fault that you’re old,” she responded before clinking it with his beer. “Here’s to resume experience!”

 

After they each took a sip, Bellamy looked at her pityingly. 

 

“Okay, that was just sad. Quick,” he looked around for the bartender. “Take a drink of mine.”

 

Clarke giggled, noting the turned back of the man at the other end of the bar, before grabbing the beer and knocking some back. The two dissolved into silent laughter as they returned each other’s drinks to each other. 

 

“How nervous are you?” 

 

Clarke began to scoff but Bellamy gave her a knowing look. “Clarke, I know you. You’re going to still be nervous even though you’re excited. That’s okay.”

 

He was right, as usual. 

 

“I guess school always came naturally to me, same with art. But the idea of having to really prove myself scares the shit out of me,” she admitted. “What if I’m a failure at this and they’re horrified they wasted their time on me?”

 

Bellamy reached over and clasped her hand with his. 

 

“You’re going to amaze them, I promise. Also it’s an internship, right? You’re there to learn. You have a better work ethic than anyone else I know and either way, you’ll prove that you belong there.”

 

Clarke allowed herself to intertwine her fingers with his for a brief moment, squeezing them in reassurance before pulling away. Even under the layers of foundation she could practically feel her mark buzzing in excitement at the touch of his hand. Or maybe it was her own heart tugging her towards him. 

 

“Thanks, you always know what to say,” she mumbled, pushing her hair behind her ears. 

 

“By the way,” Bellamy bit back a laugh as he nodded in the direction of her hair. “Since when did you have pink in your hair? How did I miss that?”

 

Blushing, Clarke absentmindedly touched at the ends of her hair. In her stress with everything (she seemed never not be stressing nowadays), she had taken to just wearing her hair back in a loose ponytail. But with the relief of the acceptance call, she’d released it from the hair band and it had fallen back down, revealing dip dyed ends that were a hot pink.

 

“Oh. Yeah just got bored one night and did it randomly. I’m surprised I hadn’t shown you yet,” she as nonchalantly as she could.

 

_I got it when you were tagged in that Instagram post and Gina said she loved you in the caption. And you actually responded with a heart, even though you didn’t know what an emoji was until I showed you them over Christmas break. It was the only way I could distract myself from the way my chest constricted and my mark seared with pain because how can you already be in love?_

 

“It’s cute,” he smiled at her. “Also further proves my point we haven’t seen each other enough lately.”

 

“You’re right,” Clarke agreed, unable to help herself from completely lying to him. “I’ve really kind of slipped into my own headspace recently with all of this work… I promise I’ll try harder.”

 

He knocked the side of her  head gently.

 

“We’ve got to keep you from staying up here too much. Don’t forget about your friends, we can help you balance it all. Anyway you stress too much as it is, when’s the last time you didn’t accomplish everything?”

 

She opened her mouth to object but the smirk on this face that he knew he was right made her laugh instead. Fine. So she over-worried about shit that she didn’t need. Sue her — or better yet her mom, she was pretty sure she’d inherited it from her.

 

“Maybe I don’t want to hang out with you if you’re going to keep calling me out.”

 

“Oh please, that’s why you keep me around. Who else has your back better than mine?” 

 

The tone was boastful but Clarke felt a warmth flood through her. Even as they joked, she knew that Bellamy was one of the loyalist people in her life. She and her friends were all lucky to have them.  It wasn’t even their cosmic connection with each of if she was honest. Maybe that had catapulted their friendship, but now that she knew him, she knew that he would be there for her no matter what, regardless of their soulmate status.

 

“Speaking of why we’re friends with each other,” Bellamy took a long drink from his beer before giving her a grin. “Gina mentioned the other day that she could see why I liked you so much.”

 

Clarke tried to choke back a squeak.

 

“Oh, really? What’d she say?” Damn she didn’t know her voice could get that high.

 

Thankfully, Bellamy didn’t seem to notice. He just shrugged, seemingly pleased about the situation. Which knowing Gina, it was a harmless comment. If it had been anyone else, it would have sent Clarke into a nervous breakdown. Not that she wasn’t internally panicking, but she figured it was an actual innocent comment.

 

“Just that she thinks we balance each other out pretty well, plus she said it’s entertaining to watch us argue,” he laughed.

 

Relaxing somewhat, Clarke avoiding answering and hummed in agreement as she focused on chugging about half of her soda back.

 

God maybe she should try to hook up with someone. Anyone to get this out of her system. Gina’s comment was sweet and honest, but it could so easily swing the other way if she knew that Clarke had a crush on Bellamy. Not that she thought Gina would hate her by any means. She just couldn’t bear the thought of creating that divide or putting Bellamy in an awkward spot. Not when he seemed so happy.

 

“So with this internship, are you going to try to see if you can swing a summer rental somewhere? Or just Airbnb hop?”

 

Clarke was about to reply but was cut off by the sound of Bellamy’s phone buzzing. He gave her an apologetic shrug and answered it. She bit back a laugh from being able to hear Murphy’s voice over the line, loud and clear.

 

“Yeah Murphy, I’m not far. It’ll take like ten minutes to get back to my place.”

 

A muffled shout. 

 

“Mhmm, Clarke’s with me,” he answered, his eyes sweeping up to meet hers and Clarke grinned, silently nodding her head as if to ask what was going on. He mouthed _Murphy_ as if that was an entire answer in itself,  and rolled his eyes, making her giggle.

 

“Okay cool, we’ll be over in a sec.”

 

More muffled yells and then Bellamy hung up.

 

“Okay what was that about?” Clarke asked bemused, signaling to the bartender that they were done. 

 

“Murphy says he has a ‘plan’ or something, wants our input before he goes through with it?” 

 

Bellamy swiped the check before Clarke could, resulting in her protesting him  and doing her best to grab it from him. Alas, his arms were much longer than hers and she finally gave up, trying to catch her breath as she plopped back down .

 

“Since when does he ask for permission?”

 

The walk to Bellamy’s car was cold and Clarke reminded herself of that as she and Bellamy walked closer than normal to each other. 

 

“I think this one involves money,” Bellamy said with a sigh.

 

* * *

 

It _did_ involve money.

 

“I promise, you’re going to love it Clarke,” Murphy insisted, sliding over to her side at the kitchen table, his laptop in tow. “Plus we’d all be splitting it. Easiest way to cut cost down. Bring your friend Raven, the more the merrier and the more people the cheaper it’ll be.”

 

Clarke peered at his computer screen.

 

The small beach house sat elevated above the sand, the white siding gleaming in the photo from the sun.  A screened-in porch wrapped around back and  it apparently had four bedrooms and two bathrooms. You practically only had to walk down the steps from the porch to get onto the beach too, where there was a grill tucked under the house.  It was everything Clarke would have imagined for a shabby chic beach house and she felt her excitement growing at the idea.

 

“How much did you say it was again?”

 

“It’s cheaper than you’d think. Promise.”

 

“That’s not an answer Murphy.”  Bellamy lectured from over in the kitchen. 

 

“Get Raven to agree and it’ll come down in price.” Murphy said in response to Clarke before spinning around on the chair to face Bellamy, who was standing in the kitchen with his arms crossed. “Ask Gina to join too! I’ve already mentioned it to Emori, she really wants to come. It’ll be a party.” 

 

Bellamy nodded  as he broke it down , but seemed to still be planning it out in his head.

 

Clarke channeled all of the energy she could into looking at the house, instead of imagining what it was going to be like to be around  Bellamy and Gina together  for a longer period of time .  But if Emori and Raven were going to be there, that would be really fun at least. And Bellamy’s voice from earlier mentioning about her hiding out still rang her head. This would be a chance for her to finally hang out with them after trying to hide away.

 

“I think we should do it!” She said brightly. “It’s spring break, why not?”

 

“Well if Clarke says we’re going…” Bellamy’s cheeky grin made her smile grow. 

 

“Fuck yes,” Murphy fist pumped, immediately hunching over his laptop to rapidly fill in their information. “Also Bellamy I gotta use your name, you’re older than all of us. They’ll trust you more.”

 

Bellamy groaned but winked at Clarke, sitting down next to Murphy to help him fill out more specific info. Clarke sent a quick text over to Raven about the trip before leaning on her forearms to watch the guys. She’d hadn’t done a spring break trip anywhere before, just having gone home the previous year. And she hated to admit that she was bad at friendships. She blamed it on being an only child honestly. She was too comfortable being by herself. It had always just been her and Wells, and then he’d had to go and go to a different college.  Pretty much forcing her to make her own friends, which was no easy task.

 

But all of this though: listening as Miller barged in from the gym, talking on the phone with his boyfriend. Watching Murphy and Bellamy squabble over how much food to  bring to cook in the kitchen at the beach house. Seeing her phone buzz with Raven’s answer  and seeing her newer friend’s excitement at being able to join in . 

 

It all felt so comfortable and natural.

 

Bellamy glanced up at her at one point and smiled, ducking his head back down to change something on Murphy’s laptop.

 

Her mark buzzed happily and she could practically feel it moving even under the makeup, spinning around her wrist. 

 

She still wasn’t sure if she could be around him much without feeling herself falling for him even more. This crush business was no joke. Seeing him again though made it feel like maybe it was worth even just a bit of the pain. She already felt so much less stressed around him.  And being around him seemed to also make her mark hurt less in a weird way. Exchanging the source of the discomfort from her soul mark to her heart. And if avoiding him was hurting her, maybe it was hurting him in a subconscious way.

 

Surely platonic soulmates existed. She just had to try.

 

So maybe… maybe she could ease up on avoiding him. 

 

He seemed to be happy to see her as well, and she _had_ promised that they could be friends. 

 

Eventually though as the plans fell together, a quick look at her phone told Clarke that she should probably be getting back to her place. She sadly began to say her goodbyes to each of the guys, giving one last thumbs up to Murphy when he showed her the listed menu he was working on. Bellamy eased himself out of the conversation with Miller to walk with her to the door of their home.

 

“I’m excited to get to spend some more time with Gina,” Clarke offered, giving him a small smile. 

 

“I think you two will really like each other,” Bellamy said hopefully, leaning against the wall behind him.

 

“Does she uh, know?” Clarke wasn’t sure how to ask without making it obvious so she just kind of jerked her head towards his collarbone. She hadn’t seen it since she had asked him to show it to her in the hallway last semester.

 

Bellamy shook his head, his curls dancing. His expression turned slightly more anxious and he shoved his hands deep into his pockets, a move that Clarke was able to easily recognize as a sign of his nerves. 

 

“I haven’t really figured out how to bring it up. She hasn’t asked.”

 

“Has she not seen it?”  


“We’re usually in too much of a rush to turn the lights on,” Bellamy gave her a wink. “Mainly in the dark it just looks like a tattoo and she’s usually… too distracted to be looking to closely at my chest.” He let out an awkward laugh at that.

 

“Are you really the same guy that used to have threesomes? How are you so nervous to talk about sex?”

 

“That’s — that’s completely not the point,” he sputtered, flustered at the conversation. Clarke threw her head back in laughter.

 

“Well how about you?” He interjected, arching an eyebrow and resuming his cocky stance. “How’s my soulmate doing with finding anyone? I mean they say sex is a great stress reliever.”

 

Clarke groaned. “You’d think that since I’m bisexual it would be easier, but it turns out that’s not even close to being true. I feel like now it’s even harder.”

 

She wasn’t about to admit that she hadn’t really bothered looking lately. Working on the whole getting-over-him was taking longer than she’d like.

 

“If you do find someone though, they’re totally welcome to come to the beach with us,” he insisted. “Plus you know we’d have to approve them too.”

 

“You know me, I have impeccably high standards,” Clarke replied loftily, a teasing smile quirking in the corner of her mouth. “Anyone I date is going to be pretty damn amazing.”

 

“They’d have to be,” Bellamy said, his expression for sincere and serious than she was mentally prepared for. 

 

She cleared her throat though to prevent the staring from last too long, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder.

 

“I’ll keep you in the loop if any of the frogs I kiss turn into princes… or princesses. But for now, just count on me and Raven.”

 

“Sweet, I’ll start a group text so we can get some more logistics nailed down.” He nodded his head. “And now you have some motivation to not get too stressed, we’ve just got a month to go until we get to relax on the beach. No stress, no homework. Just a bunch of friends, alcohol, and sand in places you didn’t want it.”

 

Wrinkling her nose, Clarke shook her head but smiled all the same. She wasn’t sure she was going to be able to not stress at all for the rest of March, but this was going to be a great excuse for her to force herself to stay in touch with her friends. When she was with Bellamy it seemed so silly to torture herself over this. They’d get through this, even if he wasn’t aware of what was going on regarding the depth of her feelings for him. 

 

They were soulmates after all.

 

So with a quick wave, Clarke began to make her way back to her dorm room. 

 

Let the countdown begin.

 

She had one month to focus on being a good friend and getting over Bellamy. Channel her nervous energy into helping plan it so that she felt like one thing was in control. And maybe give Wells a call and finally tell him about her mark. 

 

She was going to need as much support as possible going into spring break.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowowow I am so sorry friends. This wasn't meant to take a while. Things got kind of crazy around the holidays, and then if you don't happen to follow me on [Tumblr](https://she-who-the-river-could-not-hold.tumblr.com), my hard drive failed and I lost quite a few files. Which included this chapter, as well as the outlines for the rest of the fic. Starting over was a lot harder than I expected, but I'm trying to approach it with the idea that it gave me a chance to make it even better. The last two chapters are going to be my favorite to write, so the update hopefully won't take nearly as long next time. Also barring any tech issues. Always back up your stuff my friends. 
> 
> With that though, onto the chapter!

The drive through the small coastal town led to the small beach house, just a block off the beach itself. The sky was a bright blue, streaked with faint clouds and the air was filled with the sound of seagulls and the ocean crashing against the sand. The silhouettes of scattered palm trees decorated the loose gravel road, Clarke absentmindedly counting them as she pulled her car up to the house. It was the perfect day to start spring break.

 

“Give me back the fucking soccer ball Murphy!”

 

Clarke laughed at the shout that came from Raven, jumping out of the car and shaking out her legs from the long drive. 

 

Rounding the car, she came across the sight of Murphy indeed juggling Raven’s soccer ball in the front lawn. Raven had swung both her ponytail and duffle bag behind her, attempting to chase after Murphy, resulting in some sort one v. one match against each other. Emori had also climbed out of the back of the car, laughing and leaning up against the side of it.

 

“I didn’t want to break up the entertainment,” she said in response to Clarke’s curious expression, her smile bright and wide. 

 

Clarke had only met Emori, Murphy’s elusive girlfriend, once or twice before this trip. She was a badass and was currently an apprentice at a local tattoo shop. Niko, the owner, hadn’t been at all phased by her hand like others had been, taking her on regardless of the birth defect that had sealed some of her fingers together. And she very quickly proved every tattoo shop that had turned her down wrong, nearly ready to become a full time artist at The Ark. Her confidence (and to be completely honest, her large face tattoo) had intimidated Clarke at first but she quickly warmed to her and enjoyed her company the few times she was able to see her. Another reason she was thankful for this trip, the chance to bond with her friends.

 

They watched as the two battled each other for the ball, only turning when they heard the crunching of gravel behind them. A large, deep red car was pulling up behind them – Jasper’s head sticking out from the sun roof. He let out a loud whoop when he saw them and waved. Soon they were all standing out in the sun. It took a bit of coaxing for Murphy and Raven to drop their shenanigans, drawing a truce once Harper got involved and very quickly stole the ball from both of them. They did promise to do a legit game on the beach later that week though. 

 

Bag over her shoulder and sunglasses pushing her unruly hair back, Clarke pushed open the front door and stepped into the home for their spring break.

 

The white wood paneling from the outside continued to the interior, creating the illusion of an even bigger space than what they had. The kitchen came first with then an open floor plan into the living room, doors off to the side towards the bedrooms and the jack-and-jill style bathrooms that the website had indicated. At the very back, a glass sliding door led to a spacious screened in porch with another door that faced the ocean. The decor was  _ almost _ too cliche coastal, but it was perfect in Clarke’s eyes. The nautical touches mixed with pineapple and flamingo imagery gave it just the right homey feel for their trip. It was exactly what the pictures had promised and Clarke felt a thrill rush through her. She was finally getting to have that college experience of spring break. Okay, maybe not quite the “classic” one. She didn’t plan on doing any wet t-shirt contests or anything like that. But it was still exciting to be on vacation with a group of friends.

 

Dumping her bag on one of the twin beds in the furthest room back, she wandered back out into the living room before helping Monty sort things in the kitchen. They were hoping to save some money by cooking this week at the house, but it unfortunately meant also putting their own shit away first.

 

“Hang on, we’re supposed to save a room for Bellamy and Gina, right?” Jasper shouted, ducking past Monty and poking his head around the corner of the door.

 

Clarke’s hand stilled on the bag of chips that she was putting into a cabinet.

 

They’d all somewhat discussed that the couples would most likely take the joint rooms, with the exception of her and Raven taking one as well. And when Jasper had texted Octavia earlier, she had seemed game to crash in the living room with him as the two other single friends within the party. And of course it had all seemed fine when they had planned it. But that was when Clarke had been more confident in her ability to set aside her feelings for Bellamy. The month before midterms and the month she’d worked on truly just being friends with him.

 

Now the very real image of watching Bellamy and Gina walk out of a room together in the morning loomed in her mind.

 

“Yeah… yeah!” She built up confidence with her voice, at least as much as she could. “Make sure we save one of the rooms for them.” 

 

And then she quickly ran out of the house to grab the last bags from her car, shouting a quick excuse over her shoulder.

 

The humidity hit her as she walked out, the warmth washing over her as she let out a long exhale. Her hand reached out to steady herself against the railing on the stairs. 

 

Just in time to watch Bellamy’s rover pull up to the beach house.

 

Octavia launched herself out of the passenger seat the second it came to a stop, her oversized sunglasses on top of her head and a cheer to greet the rest of them. On the other side, Bellamy’s door slammed shut and he made his way to the back of the rover to grab their bags.

 

And that was it.

 

The back door never opened up to reveal the long legs of Gina, nor was her curly hair in sight.

 

It was just the Blake siblings.

 

As it became apparent that something was off, Clarke could feel the group as a whole seem to notice the change in plans. Harper cast her a questioning look and she shrugged, chewing on her lip as she watched Bellamy pull out the bags. She could see the tension from here. His shoulders were hunched and his jaw clenched. Classic Bellamy signs that he wasn’t happy. But what she couldn’t tell was if he was upset or angry, or both.

 

Finally Jasper and Monty hurried forward to hug Octavia, casually asking how the drive down was. It broke some of the tension, though Clarke knew that it’s far from gone. The group helped bring the bags into the place, filling the silence from the older Blake sibling with chatter and updates about the place.

 

_ There was a definite moment where they showed Bellamy where he was sleeping and Emori almost said something about them saving the room for him “and – yeah…” _

 

But the worst of the awkwardness blew over and they all found themselves back in the center of the house, lounging about with the windows and back door thrown open.

 

“Well we’ve got plenty of time left in the day,” Raven slouched down on the back of couch, eyeing everyone. “What are people feeling up to?”

 

Octavia popped her gum loudly. “I’d love to check out that cute beach shop that we passed on the way over here. I desperately want a new swimsuit.” 

 

“If you go I’m coming with, the mixers you all brought are trash,” Jasper piped up from his position in the kitchen where he had been surveying the fridge.

 

There were noises of protests from the people who had purchased the mixers, but the fight was a weak one and they acquiesced to his request.

 

From there they divided up fairly easily. Raven decided to go check out the shops as well, catching Clarke’s keys as she tossed them to her so that she could drive herself and the other two into town. It wasn’t something Clarke would normally do, but if there was anyone in her friend group that she trusted with her car, it would be Raven. 

 

Emori and Harper, two of the more athletic friends besides Raven, immediately grabbed their boogie boards they had brought, racing to their respective rooms to change clothes for the beach. Monty and Murphy, not wanting to go far from their girlfriends, dug out the soccer ball and a frisbee to play with as well.

 

The idea of laying out on the beach after a stressful quarter of classes was all Clarke could imagine. Stretching as she stood up to go change, she glanced over at Bellamy. He was sitting in one of the arm chairs, looking out a window distractedly.

 

“Do you want to come chill on the beach?” Clarke found herself offering, trying to give him an easy grin. He didn’t take the offer, or the smile.

 

“I’ll just stay and read. Thanks though.” His voice was short, but she could tell he wasn’t trying to be rude. It didn’t take much to figure out that something had happened; she was just glad that he had still agreed to come on the trip rather than isolate himself even more.

 

So when she came back out of her room, bikini and shorts on, she merely waved to Bellamy on the porch before making her way down to the beach. They had a whole week, there was no sense in pressuring him to do anything he didn’t want to. Not this early in the trip. Instead, she left him on one of the chairs and raced over to where the others were.

 

She did steal one last glance up at him though as she finished applying her sunscreen. But she couldn’t tell from that far away if he really was looking at her or not.

 

* * *

 

“I’m still in shock that Murphy was able to make that good of a meal.”

 

“Fuck off Green.” A distracted middle finger gestured in his direction from where Murphy stood at the sink, “I’m an excellent chef.”

 

“I was surprised too at first,” teased Emori, bumping her hip into her boyfriend’s as she dropped off some more plates next to him. “But John’s a natural at it.”

 

Monty and Octavia sat by his laptop, finishing up the last touches of their Spotify playlist for the break. Harper was browsing the stack of games that they had all brought. Jasper was making some type of mixed drink for them and Clarke… well Clarke was doing her best to not just stare at Bellamy as he sat on the couch. To say he was brooding would be an understatement. To be fair to him, it wasn’t a completely out there emotion. But it was still a lot for him, especially when they were with all of their friends.

 

But staring would make it obvious, and she also didn’t want to make it seem like she was pitying him. So Clarke averted her gaze and focused on everyone else.

 

“Raven, are you going to tell them about that cute girl you saw in the shop?” Octavia grinned mischievously, her legs swinging from her perch at the counter.

 

Heads spun to Raven.

 

“I only said she was cute, nothing else,” Raven muttered, her words counteracted by the faint blush that tinged her cheeks and the grin that threatened to form.

 

Octavia wasn’t having any of it.

 

“Her name is Luna, she has the most gorgeous hair you’ve ever seen, and she’s a complete hippie. Oh, and they’re totally going to get married,” she rattled on.

 

Clarke let out a dramatic  _ ooooh _ and winked at Raven. It was funny imagining Type A, regimented Raven falling for a beach-side living hippie, but it was also somehow perfect in its own way. Maybe she’d have to swing by tomorrow with them and investigate this girl herself. It would totally make for the perfect spring break fling for Raven, reminiscent of the books Clarke had devoured in high school, dreaming of her own fling with whichever boy or girl caught her eye.

 

“And speaking of cute people, look at this selfie of Miller and Jackson in the mountains!” Harper passed her phone around so the group could see the photo of their friends who had already made plans for spring break. 

  
“Only the two of them could look cute at that high of an altitude after hiking that many miles,” Clarke lightheartedly grumbled, passing the phone to Octavia.

 

They oohed and awed a little bit more, Octavia declaring that next year they were going hiking (no one agreed) and wishing that she could meet a cute guy up at a lodge to fall in love with. 

 

The conversation was interrupted by Jasper calling them all to the kitchen. They filed in one by one as he explained the concoction he had made, including the ratio of mixers to drink, and how each of the ingredients worked together. Most of them filled a cup with some of the drink, while Murphy knocked back a shot and Bellamy grabbed a beer. And then it was time to huddle around the table in the living room.

 

It an effort to keep themselves engaged, Harper was the one to insist on all of them keeping their phones in the center of the table. The challenge had been accepted and with the technology out of the way, the group dove into determining which game to kick off their evening with. 

 

_ Clarke vehemently refused to play Cards Against Humanity since she never won. _

 

Eventually they decided to play Exploding Kittens, a card game that Murphy insisted was fun. Emori backed him up though so they all gave in and agreed. 

 

“We have an announcement actually,” Harper said shyly, as Raven helped shuffle the cards. “If people don’t mind.”

  
They all quickly assured her they didn’t, though there was an air of confusion at what could be happening. And Clarke was unsure too, that is until she saw the way Monty was gazing at Harper. And the way she smiled at him and suddenly she very much knew what was about to happen before they even said it.

 

“We’re soulmates,” Monty said in a rush.

 

Everyone was silent for a split second before erupting in shrieks of cheer and congratulations. Harper and Monty were the first open soulmates of the group and it was almost overwhelming. The reaction seemed to cause a domino effect, having even Emori and Murphy giving each other a soft look. Jasper seemed to almost have teared up, giving his best friend a tight hug and then telling Harper that she had lucked out in a pretty great guy. All while trying to clearly blow over how emotional he was for his friends.

 

It left an odd feeling in Clarke’s stomach, a mixture of excitement for her friends and dread of her own situation. 

 

And it turned out, she wasn’t the only one feeling off.

 

Bellamy jerked up, his face contorted. It only took him a few strides to reach the backdoor, giving a mumbled congrats before shoving the sliding door open. There was only a beat before the sound of the porch door closing made its way to Clarke’s ears, indicating that Bellamy had made his way to the beach. His departure was startling and Clarke could feel her heart pounding against her ribcage. He was always the one so casual about soulmates that so see him so thrown off made her uneasy.

 

And it was all too clear to her the newest change in Bellamy’s life that could have changed how things had been.

 

Gina’s absence.

 

She had to go after him.

 

Her eyes swept the room in panic and landed on a dark, sharp pair of brown eyes gazing intently at her. Octavia, having watched closely to the scene unfold as well as Clarke’s reaction. There was a silent exchange between the two of them, while everyone else jumped forward to ask as many questions as they could get out to the happy couple. Octavia gave her a small nod of permission, turning to then excitedly smile at Harper and Monty.

 

Clarke pushed herself off the couch, nearly stumbling on the rug as she hurried to follow Bellamy out. 

 

Darkness had fallen on the beach, a cloudless night with the moon hanging over the water. 

 

The sand was cold under her feet as Clarke walked onto it from the creaking wooden steps at the end of the porch. Up ahead of her, she could make out the silhouette of Bellamy standing at the ocean’s edge. It didn’t take long to reach him, her gaze solely focused on him as she moved towards him. Clarke tried to not stand too close to him, holding herself back from embracing him from behind. Nuzzling her face into the width of his back. For now, she made herself just simply stand there as a friend.

 

She waited to say anything, not sure yet if Bellamy wanted to talk about it or not. She hoped she wanted to talk about it. But there was no way that she was going to push him into saying anything before he was ready, trusting that after such a weird time between them lately he still felt comfortably opening to up her. 

 

It only took a couple minutes before Bellamy broke the silence.

 

“We broke up.”

 

“You –– what? Wait. When?” Clarke stumbled over her words.  _ And here she’d just been imagining they were in a fight. _

 

Bellamy shifted his weight, his heads shoved deeply into his pockets. He still hadn’t looked at her, even though she now found herself unable to look away from him. There was a shadow of a beard on his cheeks, a new look for him, and she has to forcibly keep herself from stroking it comfortingly. 

 

“About three weeks ago,” his voice was short.

 

“But, that wasn’t long after we planned this trip,” Clarke sputtered out, trying to place the timeline in her mind. “Everything seemed fine, I thought.”

 

“She found out,” Bellamy said, finally dragging his eyes to meet Clarke’s. 

 

She let out a long breath, her expression falling as she looked up at him. 

 

“We were at her place and I don’t know. I was so focused on her that I didn’t realize it at first. She was moving down my chest and…”

 

He didn’t have to finish the sentence. Clarke could see it all.

 

A moment of passion broken. Gina’s focus distracted by a movement on Bellamy’s chest. A sharp stabbing pain as realization sunk in, lips slowly pulling away from his skin as everything clicked together. The coldness of knowing that the person you were with was meant to be someone else. 

 

“And she found out,” Clarke whispered.

 

“She doesn’t know it’s you,” Bellamy quickly added, though he still sounded melancholy. “But I imagine she suspects it.”

 

That drew a laugh from her, though it came out almost as a harsh bark.

 

“She just couldn’t handle the idea that there was someone else out there that was made for me. It hurt her too much. As if she somehow was making my life harder. So she ended it. She did also say that she hoped you knew too, but I didn’t have the heart to explain things to her. Not like that.” Bellamy kept talking, as if the words couldn’t be held in anymore.

 

“Don’t you realize? I’m your destiny Bellamy,” Clarke said bitterly, her voice cracking. She helplessly gestured around her. 

 

What a twist of fucking fate.

 

She had accepted that she wanted Bellamy, soul mark or not. But she hadn’t wanted him like this. He had been happy, Gina had been happy. And even if it wasn’t literally her fault, it felt like it. It felt like ice coursing in her veins at the thought.

 

“It’s not your fault,” Bellamy said adamantly, finally turning to face her entirely with his body.

 

Clarke wasn’t sure if she had said it out loud, or if the expression on her face was all he needed to see.

 

“It’s not your fault Clarke,” his voice wobbled on her name. “I promise. I did what I could, it was her choice to leave.”

 

She looked back up at Bellamy and couldn’t help the tears that leaked out onto her cheeks. Even with everything that was going on internally for him, he still was looking at her with concern. As if she was the one that needed comforting right now. She couldn’t believe how selfless he was, and it was comical to imagine that she had ever seen him as anything else.

 

Clarke tried to choke out an apology, but she found it couldn’t come. Instead all she could do was whimper helplessly as she looked up at her soulmate, the man who had fallen for someone else with her permission before she realized what she felt for him.

 

The longer he stared at her, the more odd his expression grew. Until he took one quick step forward and gently pulled her face towards his.

 

The kiss was startling to say the least.

 

Clarke wasn’t even sure she was able to process it, her eyes shutting on their own. Their teeth had clicked as their mouths collided together. A messy, distracted first kiss. But it felt perfect. It felt  _ them _ . Her hands ghosted the side of his cheeks, tracing back before tangling into his hair. There was still the hint of beer on his lips and it was more intoxicating than anything that Clarke’s ever had. Though she knew it wasn’t the beer.  _ It was Bellamy _ .

 

His lips were pressed hard and firm against hers. But then he pulled away and there was a wave of coldness that washed over her.

 

They stood apart, their chests heaving as they took in what had just happened. 

 

A beat passed.

 

And then another one.

 

“Maybe, maybe there’s something to what she said,” Bellamy finally rasped, running an anxious hand through his hair.

 

Clarke didn’t dare say anything. 

 

Bellamy shook his head, stumbling further back away from her. Her fingers clutched the air by her side. He looked even more upset than he had earlier and Clarke felt her stomach roll.

 

“Gina was real,” he emphasized. There was a desperation to his tone. “I loved her. I know she wasn’t my soulmate, and there’s still us, but I can’t just ignore what I had with her.”

 

Her mind swirling, Clarke could barely grasp the part about an  _ us _ . 

 

“I hope you understand that I can’t – I can’t do anything right now,” Bellamy finished.

 

She nodded numbly. What else could she do? In the span of the last couple minutes she had found out that Bellamy and Gina had broken up and with a kiss and couple words, Bellamy had essentially told her that he was starting to feel something for her as well. But she couldn’t be so selfish as to ask him to just jump into her arms, to forget that Gina had never happened.

 

So she nodded.

 

“I guess I’ll head in first,” she offered after they had fallen silent again. “That way it looks normal.” 

 

Bellamy agreed, letting her know to just tell everyone he needed some fresh air. And then he turned to look back out on the water.

 

There was a sharp pang in Clarke’s chest, but she knew that she needed to leave him out here alone. This wasn’t something she could intervene with. She wasn’t going to try to make him feel one way or the other, as much as she wanted to him to just be with her now.

 

The walk back up to the beach house was faster than the one down to Bellamy, and Clarke found herself pausing outside the screen door. She gave one last small touch to her lips, feeling them tingle under her touch as she remembered what it had felt like to kiss Bellamy. It almost made her giddy and the small grin on her face helped make it easier to act like nothing was wrong when she walked back in.

 

Clarke gave Monty and Harper each a quick hug from over the couch, before hurrying towards the bathroom. She hadn’t been wearing much makeup after laying out on the sand for a while earlier, but she at least wanted to try to splash some cold water on her face. Hopefully get herself back to normal. 

 

Her reflection didn’t look nearly as bad as she was expecting thankfully. It only took a quick wash of her face and redoing her half-up-half-down ponytail to make her look nearly as good as new. Though she wasn’t sure if she was imagining that her lips looked a little more swollen.

 

Exiting the bathroom proved to be its own challenge though, as she ran right into Octavia the second she opened the door. 

 

“Bellamy just need some fresh air!” Clarke blurted out, though her voice lowered to keep their conversation private.

 

Octavia narrowed her eyes.

 

“Clarke, I’ve known you for almost two years. My brother his whole life. You don’t have to pretend with me, I’m not someone who’s going to barricade you from him.”

 

“It’s not like that,” Clarke quickly corrected, but her face must not have been convincing. 

 

“Just don’t hurt him,” Octavia said simply. “I don’t know what you two are to each other – and I won’t ask you to tell me. Gina was nice, but you’re good for him. But you’re also his weakness, and he’s going to be really raw right now. So just promise me that you’ll not hurt him.”

 

It was a moment of reversal, Octavia taking on the protective role. But Clarke understood. And beyond not wanting to hurt Bellamy, she also knew that she never wanted to make either Blake sibling upset. 

 

“I promise. That last thing I ever want to do is hurt him,” she whispered, her eyes stinging with tears again at the very idea.

 

Sensing that Clarke was being honest with her, Octavia leaned in and gave the girl a tight hug. She didn’t say much more though, seemingly content with saying her piece, and then she disappeared back into the living room. Clarke slumped against the door frame and peered out at her friends. Bellamy was in the process of slipping back into the room, a bigger smile on his face and a big congratulatory hug for the newly announced soulmates.

 

Clarke looked down at her wrist, pulling up the array of bracelets she had taken to wearing this spring. 

 

It looked almost winkingly up at her. 

 

There was no pain coming from it. The heart wrenching emotion she felt, the confusion and elation at the kiss, hadn’t seemed to trigger a negative effect with her soul mark. Instead it drifted around her wrist, brighter than it had been.

 

She took some tentative steps forward, further opening the bedroom door and looking out.

 

Only Bellamy caught her eye. They both paused, locked in each other’s gaze. But then a small smile, a special one that she knew was one he used just for her, krept onto his face. She found herself mirroring him, so thankful to feel none of the tension from earlier. He must have reached some type of decision, his shoulders relaxed now. 

 

His eyes drifted back to Jasper who was telling some type of story, and Clarke found herself lost in staring at him. The way the wind had ruffled his black curls and the way his body sloped as he leaned forward to listen closely. Her hand unconsciously reached for her wrist again, her fingers settling against her soulmark.

 

She could feel it almost pulsate beneath her fingertips. It was a steady rhythm.

 

A heart beat.

 

One that she knew belonged to her soulmate, now the man she might have a chance with.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello! Here is the penultimate chapter to this fic! I've added a couple new ships to the tags, though both are definitely minor. The last chapter is also underway, I wanted to get a head start on it before posting this one so that you won't have to wait long for the next one. Though wow, I admire people who are able to wait until they're either nearly or completely done writing before posting. I need that instant gratification waaayyy too much. Either way though, I'm so excited to wrap up the final chapter and I hope you enjoy this one!

Clarke rolled over onto her side, finding herself waking up despite all of her best efforts not to. 

 

The whole point of vacation was to relax, but her internal body clock had made it that she had woken up at a relatively early time each morning so far. She was definitely not enjoying it, even though she figured in the long run it was a good thing.

 

She felt groggy and attempted to recount the amount of drinks she had finished the night before, after she and Bellamy had come back into the house. After he had  _ kissed her _ . After he had told her that he didn’t think he could do anything right now, not with the memory of his time with Gina too fresh on his mind. 

 

Her eyes snapped open at that, staring up at the textured white ceiling above her.

 

Bellamy Blake, her soulmate, had kissed her. 

 

A giddiness spread throughout her and she snuck a glance over at Raven’s sleeping form next to her. Luckily her friend was still asleep, allowing her some more time to delve into the previous night without the fear of being questioned. The kiss had been so brief. There hadn’t even been any tongue involved, just the hard press of his lips against hers. On its own it was hardly a kiss, but it was her first one with Bellamy and she suddenly felt like she was back in middle school. She could practically giggle she was so happy. 

 

Clarke wasn’t going to let his fear hold back her excitement either. Pushing Bellamy too quickly through his recovery from his breakup wasn’t on her list of things to do. It didn’t matter how good it felt to feel his lips against hers; she respected his boundaries. She was thankful too that he cared enough to be honest with her. She wasn’t sure if it was going to even be weird for them and that was the beauty of it all. Of them. She didn’t feel the need to put a label or status on them. Just even knowing that he had felt something for made her toes curl and a grin slowly slide onto her face. Sure, there were slight pangs at the idea of not knowing what or when they’d be something more – and she didn’t dare think of  _ if _ – but it was no matter to her.

 

Bellamy had somehow become her best friend over this past year and she’d be damned if anything changed that. Not a soul mark, not a kiss. 

 

_ But that wasn’t going to stop her from replaying it over and over again in her mind. _

 

Her thoughts drifted from the memory of how his hair felt in her hands to the sounds coming from the living room. And more importantly – the smell.

 

Carefully moving so as not to wake up Raven, Clarke padded her way softly across the hardwood and snuck out into the main area of the house. She was greeted by the curtains that appeared to have been flung open earlier (suddenly making her aware of the slight headache she was nursing), as well as the TV mounted on the wall displaying the popular game show, “The Price is Right.”

 

The best sight though was Bellamy standing in the kitchen, humming to himself as he worked on the frying pan filled with scrambled eggs in front of him.

 

“Now I could get used to this in the morning,” Clarke teased, blushing slightly after the words slipped from her mouth from the implication that could come from them.

 

Luckily Bellamy doesn’t comment on her potential innuendo of a future involving just them in the morning. Instead he grinned and nodded for her to join him in the kitchen. She cast a glance around, noticing Jasper’s still passed out form on an air mattress, before hopping up onto the counter next to Bellamy. 

 

“Octavia woke up early to go run on the beach, so I offered to cook breakfast in time for everyone by the time she got back,” he said as way of explanation. 

 

If Clarke had any fears about her and Bellamy being able to act normal around each other last night, this morning quickly removed all lingering doubt. The two of them fell into an easy conversation, whispering to each other as they did their best to not wake up their friends. That became more difficult as they got wrapped up in glancing up and watching the show, quietly cheering on their favorites and trying to guess the right amount of money before the contestants did. 

 

The smell of the eggs (and the hashbrowns that Clarke had pleaded for) quickly cloaked the room, accompanied by the sizzling of the oil on the pan. Eventually the domestic moment was broken as the aroma lead to first Jasper waking up, and then eventually the others slowly making their way into the living room. Clarke helped divide up the food onto plates, Bellamy playfully bumping hips with her as she walked past him. She couldn’t remember the last time she had smiled for this long. 

 

“Thanks big brother!” Octavia called out from her perch on the back of the couch, her eyes glued to the TV as she dove into her food. 

 

“Don’t celebrate too much. You’re doing dishes,” he replied, his tone only half-joking. He got an eye-roll in response, but afterwards she would be a good sport and follow up on it.

 

Raven poked her head up from her spot on the floor. “If people are interested, Luna texted me to invite us to come hang tonight! I guess her roommate is a bartender at a cool place, I think there’s live music too.”

 

A resounding “Hell yeah!” came from Murphy, echoed by everyone else. Drinking in was always fun, but they were ready to experience a little bit more on this trip. 

 

“Does this count as a first date then?” Emori leaned over, teasingly tugging on Raven’s ponytail that she had promptly put her hair into the second that she had walked out into the living room. “Maybe let this thing out for once?”

 

Raven merely grumbled, but had pink tinged cheeks all the same. She made a half-assed excuse about merely looking out for the rest of the party, but her eyes shone a little brighter than normal as she quickly texted back a response.

 

Clarke stole a look over at Bellamy. 

 

With Harper and Monty announcing their shared soulmarks and Raven apparently falling for someone here, it was hard to not be distracted by that cocky grin and the scattering of freckles that made her nearly miss the bite of food she was trying to eat. She wondered what a first date with Bellamy would be like, where they would go and what they would do.

 

_ It was one kiss Clarke, Jesus get it together girl. _

 

* * *

 

The group could hear the blues music wafting through the air before they even saw the band. 

 

The interior of the bar was nearly empty, with those in attendance instead taking advantage of the beautiful evening weather and filling up the back patio area. With hardly a glance at their IDs (some fake, some real) by the bouncer, the party was pointed to the back and they made their way out to join the crowd, taking in their location. It was casual, the perfect beachside bar.

 

The waitresses had on denim shorts and a variety of tank tops and t-shirts, tied and twisted in all sorts of ways to add personality to the person wearing it. The wooden paneling of the half walls around the place, alongside the weathered umbrellas, told of a history that this place had with the small town. A band was on the stage, pushed into the back with the acoustics perfectly reaching their audience. It appeared to be some type of seventies cover band, and Clarke found her swaying her hips and nodding her head without even realizing it. 

 

Bellamy chuckled and ducked his head down to her ear. “I definitely showed you this song in between all of that pop you listen to Princess.”

 

Any response she could have made was interrupted by the arrival of a young woman hurrying up to them, wild curls behind her. She was almost feline in her appearance, a willowy build and narrow eyes that could only focus on one person.

 

“Raven!” The woman called out, embracing her with a warm hug. Raven quickly reciprocated, relaxing into it with a wide smile.

 

Introductions were quickly made, confirming the woman as Luna. It turned out that she owned the shop that the girls had gone into the other day. She’d originally started off selling her handmade jewelry to the woman who had previously owned it, but quickly helped take over as the older woman grew too tired to keep it up. 

 

While Clarke picked up the “hippie” vibes that had been made out about Luna, she was also surprised at the seriousness at which she held herself. Her voice was soothing and there was a matureness to her that was calming to be around. Though her mouth would quirk up into a smile as she’d look over at Raven. When she got a moment, Clarke snuck a thumbs up to her best friend to give her seal of approval. She was impressed.

 

“Welcome to The Rig,” Luna gestured around her. 

 

“Niko is the owner and he’ll make sure to take good care of you here. The drinks are amazing, and the food is exactly what you’re probably imagining. Though I definitely recommend the nachos,” she pointed them out to Jasper who had already snagged a menu with Monty.

 

“Oh, and this is my good friend, and roommate, Lincoln. He’s the main bartender tonight” Luna said, turning to wave to the man behind the bar. 

 

The party all waved and nodded in his direction, save for one person who stood stock still next to Bellamy, her jaw slack. Clarke first noted the intense gaze on Lincoln before turning to see who it was directed to, then taking in the look on Octavia’s face.

 

Oh.

 

_ Oh. _

 

Almost like she was in a trance, Octavia nearly floated over to the bar and pushed herself onto her forearms to be closer up to him. Lincoln in turn had gently placed down the glass he had been cleaning and leaned forward as well. 

 

“It’s you,” Octavia breathed, so enamored by the man in front of her that she didn’t seem to even be aware of the shock of all of her friends behind her.

 

He smiled down at her. His intimidating appearance, a combination of a muscular frame and shaved head, melted away as a softness took over him. He pulls up the sleeve of his shirt, revealing a soulmark that resembled a tribal tattoo, one that Clarke could see rotating around his bicep even from where she stood. Octavia grinned, almost deviously, and pulled the side of her shirt up and the top edge of her skirt down, revealing a matching tattoo twisting around her hip bone.

 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Bellamy huffed under his breath, anxiously shoving his hands into his pockets and looking around desperately. Anywhere but at his sister and her newly discovered soulmate. 

 

“Did you not know she had it?” Clarke leaned over to whisper to him. He shook his head. He almost looked ill. 

 

After that, everything seemed to move pretty quickly. Harper and Monty immediately began to chat with the two, discussing all things seemingly soulmate related. Luna insisted on drinks all around, ducking behind the bar like a natural and pulling out glasses for everyone. A few patrons nearby congratulated the two, and Clarke watched with a tug of envy in her gut. The shock of everything seemed to wear off and allowed the group to relax back into their evening. 

 

“Bellamy! Shot?” Harper mimed knocking one back as she tried to get his attention.

 

He shook his head. “I’m the DD tonight, remember?” She booed in response but returned to the counter. Clark eyed him cautiously. With him it was hard to tell when he’d prefer to be alone. But she didn’t want to act nervous around him anymore either.

 

He had made himself comfortable at one of the tables near the side of everything, giving him a perfect view of everyone. Emori and Murphy were playing an intense game of pool under the covered area by the bar, egging each other on and calling ridiculous shot after ridiculous shot. And the rest of them finally then made their way onto the dance floor with drinks in hand or dropped at Bellamy’s table, filling up the space and making the band smile as more people became engaged in their music. 

 

When he twisted around to look behind him towards the bar where Octavia and Lincoln were though, his nerves clearly slipping through, Clarke made her decision. She excused herself from the girls, snagging a couple glasses of water, and made her way over to him.

 

A look of surprise graced his features as he turned to see her standing in front of him.

 

“Hey, how about I stay sober with you?” Clarke offered.

 

Bellamy gave Clarke a half-assed glare.

 

“Don’t have a bad night on my account,” he said, though she could see a slightly pleased expression battling to come across his face. She shook her head.

 

“No, it’ll be good! I’m happy to keep you company,” she replied adamantly. 

 

She dropped next to him on the bench alongside the table, swinging her legs under it and passing him the glass of water. He accepted it and took a long sip, his focus drifting as he became lost in thought. 

 

They watched their friends for a little bit, idly commenting on their trip so far and some of the other plans that they had for the rest of the week.

 

It was comforting being around him. Even though Clarke couldn’t imagine going a day without talking to him, she liked knowing that they had the type of friendship that could have them be apart, and not make any difference. 

 

They were wrapping up a conversation about dream vacations they wanted to do after graduating when Bellamy took another look around to check on his sister.

 

He let out a groan, turning back and dropping his head onto Clarke’s shoulder. His hair tickled her jaw and she could feel the warm puffs of his breath on her skin. Even in the warmth of the bar, she nearly shivered at them.

 

“I hate this.”

 

“No you don’t,” she chided softly, taking the chance to look over her shoulder at Octavia and Lincoln standing close to each other at the bar, before dropping her head on top of Bellamy’s.

 

“You’re right,” he mumbled in concession. “It’s just… after seeing what our mom went through, I still don’t understand how she can be so swept up in the idea of soulmates.” 

 

“Maybe that’s why though. It’s her being hopeful that even through all of that, she can still have a happy ending with someone that’s made for her.” 

 

Clarke’s comment was met with silence at first. She could see Luna and Raven still dancing, Luna’s hair illuminated by the lights from the stage and her hands on Raven’s hips. The band had switched to a slower cover of a song and the night’s breeze was making the strings of lights dance as well. It was dreamy and the expressions on the two girls’ faces matched the atmosphere.

 

Bellamy let out a sigh before softly whispering, “I just don’t know why she didn’t tell me.”

 

“Soulmates are personal. I mean, we didn’t tell her about us.” Clarke barely choked out the last word. 

 

Bellamy stilled somewhat, straightening himself back up. Clarke was petrified that she had crossed a line, but to her relief he stayed close. And if she was to allow herself the hope, it felt like his leg had actually pressed closer to hers. The cargo of his shorts was rough against her skin and she tried to not stare down at the lack of space between them. It was even tougher when Bellamy finally relaxed, his arm then going behind her shoulders and she could feel the heat radiate from him even more.

 

“That’s fair.”

 

“When my parents got divorced, it was all I could do to not just scrub at my mark, do anything to get it to go away,” Clarke opened up, causing Bellamy’s face to turn quickly towards her. 

 

“I felt that if my parents were soulmates, but still couldn’t make a marriage work, then what was the point of me having one? I assumed that whatever had gone wrong between them was something I’d have inherited.” Clarke’s voice was low and she fidgeted with some of the rings on her hands.

 

Bellamy was silent, looking at her deeply while she talked. With a faint blush creeping onto her cheeks, she glanced back up at him.

 

“It soured the idea of soulmates so much to me. I blamed them a lot for it. But maybe, even with as much as we have within us from our parents, we’re not them,” she said shyly.

 

“My mom had one soulmate, even though she was with two men,” Bellamy said gruffly, now his turn for him to look away as he revealed more about himself. “My dad, he was the one with the mark. And I guess they were happy, even though they were strapped for money. But one night… he was out riding his motorcycle. He never saw the car coming.” 

 

Clarke let out a small gasp, her hand immediately reaching for Bellamy’s and holding it tightly. He reciprocated with his own squeeze before continuing his story.

 

“A little while later she met O’s dad. Some guy at the bar she waitressed at during a random night shift she had picked up. He moved in, she got pregnant with O. But he never let my mom forget that she’d already been with her soulmate. Constantly mocked her for being alone, but then would also be angry at the idea of being a second choice. One day he just left.”

 

They fell into silence as Bellamy’s words faded out. Clarke slowly rubbed his knuckles, looking up at him with her heart aching for his past. She had heard snippets of his childhood, from both of the Blakes, but never in this capacity. 

 

They had spent so long avoiding the conversation of soulmates, but suddenly it was all they could talk about.

 

“I shrugged them off, but maybe we’re meant to break the cycle.”

 

Bellamy’s words startled Clarke. 

 

But they also brought back the previous night’s unexpected kiss and she felt her face heat up. 

 

If Bellamy was starting to come around to the idea of their soulmarks like she had… well, she wasn’t going to get ahead of herself.

 

* * *

 

The drive back home was a bit crazy to say the least.

 

At the bar, the night had been coming to a close and so when it looked like Lincoln was going to be able to close it up, the group agreed to keep up the party back at the beach house. With well-over an hour or so since his one beer, Lincoln offered to help take part of the group since they had grown somewhat in size. Bellamy found himself unable to do anything but agree. Luckily that decision had been made early enough that Harper had been able to toss Lincoln her keys before continuing on with her drinking.

 

So when the band was packing up and the lights had been turned off, the group piled haphazardly into the two cars and made their way back down to the beach house.

 

They all sprawled out, preparing to fully continue the party. 

 

It turned out that Lincoln could draw, a fact that seemed to make Octavia even more enamored with him and gave him and Clarke something to talk about. They were chatting about their favorite tools while everyone else did whatever it was that called to them.

 

For Monty, Harper, and Jasper it was running out onto the beach. It was dark and they could all hear their whooping and hollering from inside, as each of them dared each other to chase the tide out before drunkenly running back to drier regions of sand. Emori and Murphy pushed the back door open and lounged on the porch, having a discussion that left the two of them in their own world even while surrounded by friends. 

 

Monty had given them permission to play around with the music, so Bellamy had seated himself at the laptop and Raven and Luna took turns shouting out songs for him to add. 

 

“I swear I can’t ever work with pastels again,” Clarke laughed, shaking her head at the memory.

 

Lincoln groaned.

 

“They might be the worst of them all. Though I have to admit as someone who uses charcoal frequently, I don’t have much room to talk,” he said with a sheepish grin, rubbing at his head.

 

“You art nerds,” Octavia added affectionately. “But, I’m bored. Be right back.”

 

Clarke took in Lincoln’s soft gaze as his eyes followed Octavia’s as she disappeared into one of the bedrooms. 

 

“How is it?” She couldn’t help but ask.

 

“It’s amazing,” Lincoln breathed, not even having to ask what she meant. “It’s not like I’ve been searching for my soulmate, I trusted it would work out. But it just makes a spark in you.” 

 

Clarke nodded, biting her lip and unable to add onto anything.

 

“It wasn’t even like instant love,” he continued. “It felt like suddenly everything I was feeling was amplified. That any emotion I’d feel would be twice as strong, but that it would be okay because we would balance each other.”

 

It’s almost too much for Clarke to listen to, stealing a glance over at Bellamy. 

 

It made sense hearing Lincoln talk about it. Not just purely, only loving someone. But having that ability to feel twice as much. She could feel him looking at her curiously and she turned to give him a smile, or as much of one as she could muster.

 

“Do you have one?” 

 

_ Such a simple question, with a not so simple answer. _

 

“It’s complicated,” Clarke finally answered with a wry grin. But she didn’t miss the ways that Lincoln’s eyes flitted over to Bellamy and then back, almost unconsciously.

 

She didn’t get a chance to share any of her feelings though as Octavia came bounding back into the room, carrying a stack of books with Bellamy’s glasses shoved high up her nose.

 

“Guys! Guess who I am,” she teased, suddenly pulling herself up into a more rigid stance and frowning. It was almost uncanny to her older brother who couldn’t help but let out a snort.

 

“Very funny O. Ha. Ha.” Even Bellamy couldn’t help the smile that twitched on his lips as his sister began to grill Luna on her knowledge of mythology.

 

Clarke laughed as Octavia made the rounds, inquiring different information from each of them. Even Emori and Murphy had leaned in to scope out the source of the laughter.

 

Octavia eventually makes her way in front of Clarke, a now wickedly mischievous grin on her face. She isn’t sure what to make of it, almost nervously laughing at this point. Instead of questioning her though, Octavia slips the glasses off and puts them on Clarke.

 

It takes a moment of adjustment (holy shit Bellamy has bad eyesight), and Clarke blinks owlishly. But Octavia looks smug, even behind the blur of the lenses. And the Clarke knows why.

 

“Bell, look at how cute Clarke looks in your glasses!” Octavia cheerfully shouted at her brother, getting him to turn from his conversation with Luna to look over at the two girls.

 

The stare Bellamy gave her was decidedly  _ not platonic _ .

 

Clarke felt her breath sucked out of her as she looked up at him, unconsciously moving closer to him. His eyes were staring at her so intensely that she felt helpless to look away. She’d never seen him look at anyone like this before and it was intoxicating. She couldn’t tell if she had goosebumps or if her skin was on fire. 

 

“You should try out the glasses look more often,” Bellamy remarked, his voice coming out huskier than normal. 

 

There was a possessiveness in his gaze as he looked at her in  _ his  _ glasses, and Clarke couldn’t help the image that immediately popped into mind of how he’d look at her in his t-shirt.

 

Fuck.

 

She couldn’t tell if that was her brain shorting out or if that was the vibe she was getting off of Bellamy.

 

“I uh, I’ll put these these back. Before they get broken or something.” Clarke found herself flustered, looking up at Bellamy while he looked at her  _ like that _ . 

 

She awkwardly squeezed past her friends, praying they didn’t see the blush on her face, and heading straight for Bellamy’s room. These glasses had been almost like a kryptonite and she was almost scared to keep them on much longer. Not because it was bad, more because she wasn’t sure how much self-control she was going to be able to have after that moment between the two of them.

 

However, after placing the glasses down on the bedside table and letting out a long breath, Clarke wasn’t prepared for what she turned around to see. 

 

Bellamy had followed her into his room.

 

He was close to her, but still hanging back as if unsure of what he was doing. The door had partially closed behind him, letting only a slice of light in from the living room alongside the sound of chatter and music.

 

She wasn’t even worried if he had come up with some type of excuse to follow her in there. It didn’t matter, not with how he was looking at her now.

 

Her mark was tingling, or maybe that was just all of her.

 

He took a step closer to her as he took in that she wasn’t hurrying to leave his room.

 

“Jesus Clarke, can you just kiss me please?” Bellamy’s voice came out hoarse and rougher than normal and Clarke felt her pulse quicken as she looked up at him. 

 

He was looking at her so desperately that she barely even needed a split-second to decide, before she pushed herself onto her tiptoes and pulled his head down to hers and kisses him.

 

His hands, like magnets, clutched at her side. His fingers splayed across her waist, toying with the raised up edges of her shirt and burning her skin under his touch. Her hands finally tangled themselves into his hair, keeping him as close as she possibly could. They separated with gasp for air, but Bellamy’s mouth then simply moved from her lips across her cheek, nuzzling her ear. Then planting hot, open-mouthed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. A high-pitched sigh escapes her and she more so feels his chuckle than hears it.

 

At some point they stumble to make sure the door to his room is fully shut and locked. Clarke’s not sure how they did it, as she had dragged Bellamy’s face back up to hers and was feverishly dropping kisses to the corner of his mouth.

 

His knees hit the back of the bed sooner than she had expected and she let out a small squeak of surprise as they dropped on top of it.

 

“Is this okay?” Bellamy pulled himself from her, though keeping his face close enough to hers that his nose brushed delicately against hers. His thumb drifted lazily around the edge of her ear and it tickled in the most delightful way.

 

She nodded, finding her words and giving him a confident yes. 

 

This was all more than okay.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah the last chapter! I'll geek out about how amazing you all have been at the end, but for now here's just a quick thank you for all of the love you've given this story. I hope you enjoy the last chapter! These two have one last hill to climb :)

**** “So did you, or did you not, have sex with Bellamy Blake these last couple nights?”

 

Clarke froze, the door nearly shut and Raven’s accusation hanging between them. She slowly turned to face her. Raven was sitting up in bed, still in her pajamas but looking very much awake, much to Clarke’s shagrin. 

 

“I went to uh, get some fresh air.” She stumbled over her words as they came out, and even to her the lie was too obvious. 

 

“I’m not stupid Clarke,” Raven sat more upright, her arms now crossed over her chest. “I’ve noticed that you haven’t spent the last couple of nights in here and that you’ve probably just been sneaking in before I wake up. I’m not  _ that _ heavy of a sleeper.” 

 

Biting her tongue, Clarke awkwardly shifted from foot to foot. 

 

There was no way that she could even attempt to keep a lie up at this point.

 

“It’s just casual I swear,” she finally admitted. “We don’t have a name for it I guess, friends with benefits sounds dumb. It feels closer than that. But yes, we’re hooking up. We have been for the last four nights.”

 

What Clarke hadn’t been expecting was the wide grin that immediately spread out across Raven’s face after she said it. Gone was the shrewdness skepticism that had been her sole expression as she had caught Clarke sneaking back into their bedroom. She seemed excited, and almost as if she had been expecting this sort of revelation. But as Clarke sat down on her bed, the mattress squeaking under her, Raven’s face turned to more of a confused expression.

 

“So what’s the big deal? You know none of us would care, right? It’s totally obvious you’re into each other, just be open about it. Or just date for fuck’s sake.”

 

Clarke wasn’t sure how to explain that one.

 

“I mean, you know our sexual tension. We’re just working through it so we can go back to being friends. No one really needs to know since there’s nothing to know.”

 

She didn’t want to describe how it had been Bellamy’s idea and that he had been so clearly nervous to ask her. That in the moment, it had felt like the correct choice to make. 

 

“Does Octavia know?” Raven arched an eyebrow.

 

“She does, in a way.”

 

Bellamy had apparently mentioned it somewhat and Octavia had been pleased about, saying that she was glad they were finally working their idiocy out. When she been told it was just a casual thing, she’d seemingly been annoyed but had dropped it.

 

Which seemed to be how everyone was taking it at this rate, if Raven’s expression was anything to go by.

 

But she dropped the skeptical glare and sighed.

 

“I won’t fight you on this, you’re more than capable of making your own decisions. But Clarke? Be careful. For both of your sakes.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly, promising so that Raven would stop looking at her like that. Like she pitied her. But then she quickly hurried to gather up her clothes for the day and slipped into the bathroom to start a shower. 

 

The small bathroom began to steam up as the water heated up. Sighing, Clarke shed her clothes and stepped into the tub. 

 

She had done a good job about not thinking about any of it too seriously. Embracing the small touches that Bellamy had started doing since that night, the small looks they’d exchange while they were with their friends. The way his hand had lingered on hers as he’d passed her the scorecard at mini golf. The past few nights as they’d wordshipped each other’s bodies, their marks blazing in pride at their joining. 

 

But Raven had been a stark reminder about what they were doing, and now her mark flared dully against her wrist. 

 

Fuck, she didn’t want to have think about all of this.

 

* * *

 

“How much would it cost to buy this place and live here forever?”

 

“More than you can afford.”

 

Harper groaned sadly at the reality Monty had given her, and she returned to haphazardly packing up the kitchen. It was a shared sentiment between the group. 

 

It was their last day at the beach, getting ready to head out the next morning to return to campus. The end of vacation wasn’t one that they were looking forward to with the full knowledge that they’d have to immediately jump back into preparing for finals once they were back. Clarke had been running an internal checklist in her mind all afternoon about what she was going to have to do for her typography class and determined that she was  _ not _ ready. 

 

“Do you think Professor Franklin will care if I don’t turn in my essay?” Octavia asked glumly. 

 

“You could just drop out and join me at the shop,” Emori joked, handing Raven the last board game to take back out to the car. 

 

Bellamy’s “no” came out just as quickly as Octavia’s “oh my god yes.”

 

“Well I know I’m definitely going to try to make some more trips down to visit you guys,” Raven added. “I’ve had way too much with all of you to go to barely seeing any of you.” 

 

It was true too, being with the group all week had made each of them even closer. It was hard to remember a time when they hadn’t all been just best friends, and Clarke was beyond thankful that Murphy had suggested it in the first place. She was going to have to buy him some bourbon as a thank you gesture once they got back. 

 

They’d spent the early afternoon on the beach getting in some last time out there before being confined to stuffy classrooms. The sound of seagulls overhead had mixed with the crashing of the waves, laughter floating in the air. 

 

There had been one last communal dinner and now they were working together to make sure the cars were entirely packed up that night so it was an easy morning. They’d told the owner of the beach house they’d leave relatively early, no doubt needing to so that it could officially cleaned up for the next round of visitors. Harper had already declared that they’d stop by the local coffee shop they had discovered the other day, making it easier to grab breakfast from their rather than a hurried clean up of cooking supplies before they left.

 

The clean up process had taken a bit longer than expected. 

 

One of them would get distracted and then it would be a chain reaction. Or someone’s belongings had gotten caught up with someone else’s and then everyone had to dig through their bags to double check. One last load of frantic laundry to get the sand and dirt out of clothes.

 

While they waited for the pizza they had ordered to get there, Clarke wandered out to the back porch to make sure everyone had grabbed their flip flops out there. A glance out at the water and she found herself sinking onto one of the chairs and getting lost in thought. The sun was setting to her left, a soft glow coming over the houses next to their and alighting the ocean as it sank deeper into the horizon. 

 

Harper’s earlier comment made her laugh but she almost wondered what it would be like to just disappear like that. Buy a small house in a totally different area, live a different life and just be. It was a tempting idea and the person in Clarke who preferred to run from her problems liked the sound of it.

 

But then amongst the sound of the surf, she could hear her friends behind her. And the particular sound of the voice that was a problem she was struggling to not run away from, Bellamy’s, was also what was keeping her there. Centered. 

 

“Hey! Food’s here! You coming in?” Emori’s voice broke her thoughts and Clarke turned to grin.

 

“Yep! Just one more moment out here.”

 

A couple more deep breaths.

 

Yep, she could do this. She could face all of this. Bellamy, the return to school and then being halfway done with college.

 

So she pushed herself out of the chair and returned to her friends, cheering as Murphy and Octavia distributed the pizza and breadsticks and they all settled into their evening. 

 

For their last night, they were going to keep it pretty simple. A drinking game to a movie. 

 

“I vote we watch  _ Spring Breakers _ ,” Jasper announced, squeezing his way onto the couch next to Raven. 

 

There were immediate protests and Jasper chucked popcorn at the loudest – Bellamy. “Excuse me, it is the perfect movie for spring break. Plus the drinking game for it is amazing. Guaranteed wasted.”

 

Harper shook her head. “No way, I’m driving tomorrow morning. I’m not interested in feeling like death the whole way back.

 

They eventually came to the consensus of watching  _ The Room _ , a classic enough movie for a drinking game but short enough that they could probably keep themselves from going too hard. Monty and Jasper loved bad movies more than anyone else in the group, but once it started and Clarke started sipping her beer, she had to admit that it was fun for her as well. 

 

When Emori had flicked off the lights, Bellamy had stretched his arm up around the edge of the couch. She was on the end, so if Raven or Jasper had turned they wouldn’t be able to see it clearly  _ thankfully _ . Instead it got to be their little secret, the warmth of his arm behind her neck as his fingers slowly toyed with her shirt sleeve or the ends of her hair. By the end of the movie, Clarke had given into her impulses and had nestled in closer to Bellamy’s side, her head resting against his shoulder. Her sips got lazier, even as the movie reached its ridiculous crescendo. His chest moved steadily as he breathed, and Clarke found her hand resting just barely on his stomach, feeling it move. 

 

This feeling was almost too much.

 

Too much of an experience that she longed to keep going, even though she knew she wouldn’t be able to.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly midnight, slices of moonlight coming through the mostly shut curtains on the window. The beach house was silent as its occupants all slept through the night, except for two of them. They’d been more preoccupied with other activities, though sleep now threatened to overtake them as they lay tangled in the blankets. The roar of the ocean lulled in the distance.

 

The feel of Bellamy’s arm on Clarke’s hip was heavy and warm. His thumb was absent mindedly rubbing against her skin, and his eyes were shut, a half smile formed on his face.

 

Clarke had burrowed herself next to him, her hair strewn across his shoulder and her chin tucked under as she rested on his chest. 

 

Unlike Bellamy though, she didn’t feel as relaxed as she wanted to be. 

 

She kept envisioning going back to school – the magic of the week broken by the arrival of deadlines, homework, and other people. Away from the safety net of this small white house on the beach. But there was an outcome almost worse than them becoming too busy for each other.

 

What if they kept this up?

 

What if on weekends Clarke would just casually stay over later after everyone was done hanging out? She’d maybe have a spare toothbrush at his place, maybe a stack of clothes. Anything to make it less obvious when she came over that she wasn’t planning on leaving for the night. 

 

Any other night, and Clarke would have been elated at the idea. 

 

But tonight, on their last night of spring break, there was now a pit of dread in her stomach. A sinking feeling.

 

Because she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to keep doing this, keeping up the pretense that she was capable of only being friends with benefits with Bellamy. Yes he was her best friend, but somehow after all of what they had gone through, it was scarier to give into finally being soulmates. Echoes of their past felt too fresh now that she knew what he had watched happen with his mother. She couldn’t do that to him. It was easier to force herself to be platonic, knowing that she would keep him in her life, rather than potentially lose him as a romantic soulmate.

 

“Bell?” she whispered, almost against her will. She could feel her throat closing around his name.

 

He hummed in response and shifted their positions, allowing her to more easily look up at him.

 

At first he still had that soft expression he got on his face after they’d have sex, but then he realized how contorted Clarke’s face had become as she fought to continue.

 

“Hey hey hey, Princess what’s wrong?”

 

He fully shifted them into an upright position, worry now etched across his face as he looked nervously at her. She was always bad at hiding how she felt.

 

“When – when we get back to school, I think I’m going to have to change how I act with you,” she said quietly. Her eyes kept darting away from Bellamy’s.

 

“What?”

 

The one word came out louder than he probably had planned on, his face now cloudy with emotion. She could see his knuckles whitening as he clutched the bedsheets. 

 

“I don’t regret what we’ve been doing Bellamy, I promise. I just don’t think I can keep this up. Pretending that his is all I want.” She bit her lip. “So I need to change how I act around you. I can’t lie about what I feel for you but I won’t pressure you, so I might need to… adjust how I am.”

 

“You want to… change?” He struggled with getting the word out and his eyes flashed darkly. 

 

“I don’t want to!” Clarke found herself snapping at him.  _ Why didn’t he just get it? _

 

“Then don’t! I can’t believe we’re having this conversation.” A note hysteria tinged Bellamy’s tone. 

 

Clarke sputtered at that. “We’re having this conversation because I care about you too much to ruin things.” 

 

She felt the beginning of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes and inwardly cursed her emotional nature. She was normally so much better at holding herself together, but there was something about Bellamy that made it so much harder. 

 

“I don’t have a choice,” she emphasized, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and the intense need to do something,  _ anything _ to get out of this situation. Why hadn’t she just waited until they were back at school?

 

“Of course you have a choice. This is insane, I don’t want you to not be yourself with me.” Bellamy watched desperately as Clarke kicked the blankets off of her body and scrambled to find her clothes. “Clarke, look at me.”

 

She hated how her name sounded in his voice. Like it was a treasured word to him. 

 

But she had to stay strong in this, she had to make him understand her point. Why she was willing to go through this pain 

 

“If this is all you want or can handle, I can respect that. But what I can’t do is pretend that I can handle this. This week has been amazing, but…” she struggled to continue. “This isn’t all that I want. And it’s easier this way for us.”

 

“That’s bullshit Clarke and you know it.” Bellamy was now sitting on the edge of the bed, doing his best to keep his voice down so they didn’t wake up Jasper or Octavia in the living room. His expression was growing increasingly panicked. 

 

“Forget it,” Clarke choked out, “I’m just going to go back to my room.”

 

Thankful for the limited amount of clothes she’d had to throw on, Clarke stumbled her way in the dark towards the door. Her room suddenly felt thousands of feet away, instead of simply across the living room. She couldn’t get there fast enough.

 

“Stop.” 

 

It wasn’t a command. It came out like a broken request.

 

Clarke let out a shuddering breath, her lip quivering as she turned to face Bellamy. He was standing now, his shoulders slumped in defeat but his eyes staring intensely at her. They were swimming with tears though and Clarke realized it was the first time that she had ever seen him cry, even if they hadn’t released down his cheeks yet. He took a faltering step towards her but then fell back slightly.

 

His hands wracked through his hair as he fought to find the words he wanted to say.

 

“I’ve been scared,” he finally said, his voice almost hollow. “And even though we’re soulmates, I felt so guilty for realizing it so soon after Gina and I broke up. But then, I was scared that I could lose the person I care about the most in my life. You know my story.”

 

Clarke nodded, her throat tight.

 

Bellamy continued on. “Just being friends with benefits with you, even just being friends, was easier to swallow than the idea of us trying and being soulmates wouldn’t be enough to keep us together. That’d I’d lose you.”

 

She felt like she was struggling to breathe as she listened to him talk, but Clarke tried to not fight the bubble of hope that was growing inside her. If was hearing him correctly, he was confessing to her that he really did feel that way about her – the same as her. Seeing that she wasn’t getting angry or racing for the door, Bellamy resumed his slow steps towards her. Soon he was towering in front of her, his hand hesitantly tracing down her cheek.

 

“But now I have a new fear,” he swallowed nervously. “Imagining you having to change around me. Because fuck Clarke, you’re everything to me as you are and I can’t bear to have you any other way.”

 

That broke her and Clarke let out a soft cry, tears now coursing hotly down her cheeks. 

 

“Do you think I’m not scared either?” She pleaded, her arms clutched around her waist as she tried to speak between heaving breaths. 

 

He nodded numbly, his own tears silently tracking down his face. 

 

“But don’t you think we deserve to give each other a chance? That we love each other enough to make it work?”

 

They’re so caught up in each other, that Clarke doesn’t even realize the word that had slipped through her mouth. But when they talk about this moment later on, she admits that she had known longer than then that she had loved him. That it had almost always been that way, since the moment they discovered their shared marks. And Bellamy will admit that he had known for so long too that he hadn’t even reacted to hearing her say it. 

 

But that will be then, and this is now.

 

And right now, Clarke could only feel her stomach in knots as she looked up at Bellamy. 

 

“I believe that we can do this together, don’t you too?” She whispered, her voice cracking as she looked up at him hopefully.

 

He was silent for a moment. Their chests were nearly touching, him still shirtless and hers too thin to block her from the heat radiating off of him. She didn’t know if it was from the intensity of the conversation or their time earlier, but it was as dizzying as his eyes staring straight into her.

 

She can see it in his eyes though, as well as in the way his shoulders relax. 

 

He believes in them too.

 

Bellamy takes the last step forward and nearly scooped her up into his arms, his lips on hers faster than she can close her eyes. She threw her arms around his neck, holding on as he pushed her against the door. His hair was soft, if a bit tangled, as she twisted her hands into it and kissed him harder. Their kisses alternated between long and deep, as well as frantic peppered ones as they sucked in as much air as they can. 

 

Bellamy pulled back a breath and rested his forehead against hers.

 

“Together,” was the one thing he whispered before leaning and kissing her again, capturing her lips as he pulled them away from the door and hoisting her fully around his waist.

 

Clarke grinned deliriously against his lips and hummed, nearly giggling as he dropped down onto the bed. This time, there wasn’t going to be a question of what things were going to be like afterwards. 

 

They had made their decision, and somewhere beyond, fate smiled down on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THERE IT IS.
> 
> WOW is honestly all I can say. Even beyond enjoying writing this fic for myself, seeing you all get so invested and respond so well to it made it that much more enjoyable for me to write. I haven't come up with my next story idea of them, but we'll see where my inspiration takes me! I'm a sucker for any type of AU so if you've ever had a type of AU you'd love to see (oneshots included), feel free to drop me an idea! You can find me over at my [Tumblr](https://she-who-the-river-could-not-hold.tumblr.com)! I'd love to keep chatting with you guys or freak out about Bellarke or the next season (for real, where's the trailer?). Thanks again for all of your support!


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